


The Ups and Downs of Loving You

by Ava_now



Series: Barisi Dads AU [20]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst and Smut, Dirty Talk, Husbands in love, M/M, Making Out, Religion and Spirituality, Restraints, Shameless Smut, Smut, Talking, Therapy, angst and hurt/comfort and smut, kids and sex ed, this one's just really got a lot of smut, violent impulses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:48:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 26,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25683043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ava_now/pseuds/Ava_now
Summary: Sonny and Rafael have experienced some big changes in their lives recently, and find it's affecting them in the bedroom.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Series: Barisi Dads AU [20]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1541101
Comments: 44
Kudos: 80





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Hi and thanks for reading! A few notes on this fic. The original idea propelling this fic is stress impacting erectile dysfunction. By its nature, obviously, expect a lot of smut. If you've read my fics you're probably aware I don't shy away from it, but just know going in to this there will probably be a good amount. If that's not your thing, this probably isn't your fic.
> 
> This will be a multichapter fic focusing heavily on Sonny and Rafael's relationship within their marriage and family. I know myself and my interpretation of these characters well enough (and have written far enough in) to know there will be some angst as well. Tags will be updated and characters added as they appear in the fic.
> 
> Kudos and comments are absolutely the best thing you can toss my way, and I promise to read every one! I try to respond to each one as well. If you ever would like to send a comment that other people can't see, you're welcome to head on over to twitter and DM me. I'm Ava_now@vagrlnok. If this fic isn't your thing, I promise there will be other stand-alone, shorter fics I'll be adding to this AU and written on their own.
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

Sonny had been looking forward to this all day.

Ever since he’d gotten up this morning, he’d been wanting time alone with Rafael. When he woke up, his first sight was Rafael in his skintight teal boxer-briefs, and that stunning image had been firmly planted in his brain all day. The smooth, olive skin of his back set off by the bright cool teal highlighted Rafael’s sexiest asset--his ass. As long as Sonny had known the man, Rafael had been sporting the most incredibly round, plush ass that Sonny had ever seen. He couldn’t recall lusting after another man like this before or since. Something about that butt had captured him and kept him coming back without a single regret. All day, Sonny had gone about his business, but all sorts of things kept bringing that image back--a defense attorney he saw at the courthouse in tight-cut trousers, a couple of guys working out at a gym he passed, even the trousers he himself was wearing that seemed to keep pressing on his dick. On his way home that evening, his mind wandered to that time not so long ago when Rafael had peeled these exact trousers off of him slowly, revealing his wet and shiny erection. And he’d wondered if the same thing would be recurring in a few hours.

Their lives had changed a lot since this summer, since they all dealt with the trauma of Jim Holmes’ suicide. Marley had turned five, started kindergarten, and was doing relatively well. Rafael had been offered and accepted a part time position with Project Innocence, and had resigned his position as Assistant District Attorney. The new job allowed him to be Marley’s caregiver when she wasn’t in school, and his schedule was extremely flexible. Both of them were continuing in therapy, and Sonny had to admit they seemed much happier and more relaxed. He, however, was struggling. With Rafael’s departure, the squad had been assigned an ADA with no experience in sexual assault cases, and the whole group seemed to be working double time trying to get the man up to speed. It seemed the crimes they were dealing with were worse than ever before, and the conviction rate for their squad was dropping. Sonny often felt a frustration and cynicism in his chest that he hadn’t before. He’d always thought he understood how good Rafael had been at his job, but now, he wondered if he’d taken a lot of it for granted. 

They both had mistakenly believed that this change in Rafael’s schedule would allow more time for them to be together as a couple. Unfortunately, that hadn’t materialized. Despite the fact that Rafael had willingly picked up a lot of Sonny’s house chores and responsibilities with Marlene, no amount of doing extra housework would make Sonny materialize at home when he had to be at work. Most days he felt stretched thin, out of the house most mornings before Marley was fully awake and home, if he was lucky, barely in time to kiss her goodnight. Rafael tried to have dinner with him each night, no matter what time that was, but many nights Sonny hit the shower directly after while Rafael cleaned up the kitchen and locked up the house. By the time Rafael made it to the bedroom, more often than not Sonny was asleep.

But now it was Friday and Sonny was off for the weekend. He may be getting home around ten, but he would be home for the next two days. He’d be sleeping in with his husband and making breakfast with his daughter. He had plans to take the dog and the kid to the park tomorrow. But tonight? Tonight he had plans for Rafael that included more pleasure than either of them had experienced in awhile. And God, had he missed it. Not just the physical pleasure of it, which was enough on its own. But the connection he felt with it, the emotional link to the man he loved and had married. It was that aspect of their sex life that he missed the most, and was most looking forward to recapturing.

Marley was already in bed when he got home; he locked the door behind him and peeked in on her. She was curled up with her knuffle bunny in her arms and her thumb in her mouth, and his heart ached with love for her. He kissed her forehead gently, then moved out into the main area of the apartment, turning off the lights and grabbing himself a glass of water. He stood at the fridge for a second, sipping and thinking about his husband. He wanted to squeeze that soft, full ass, suck bruises onto the soft skin of Rafael’s belly, circle the head of his cock with his tongue. Or conversely, Rafael on his knees and worshipping Sonny’s cock with his mouth would be just fine too, he thought, smiling, then made his way to the bedroom.

He opened the door quietly and slipped inside, closing and locking it behind him. There were a couple of candles lit on the dresser and one on the nightstand. The comforter and blankets were folded down at the foot of the bed, and Rafael lay in the middle of it, completely nude. He was stroking himself slowly with one fist, and the other arm was bent with the forearm resting on his forehead. “I was just thinking about you,” he murmured softly. “Is this along the lines of what you were wishing for?”

Sonny leaned against the door, taking in the glow of Rafael’s skin and the length of his long lashes framing his beautiful green eyes. His cheeks were slightly flushed and his cock was shiny with lube and precum. This is the visual that had been in his head when he’d texted his husband this morning. “Wanna see my sexy husband completely naked, splayed out, and ready for me to play with,” he’d written. Rafael hadn’t responded, at least not immediately, but that afternoon he’d gotten a photo. A close-up of a sweaty bicep. His husband’s bicep, he knew from the last seven years of studying it up close. No words, but the bicep was statement enough, and Sonny had to ignore the twitch in his cock.

“Oh, hell yes,” he murmured back, watching said bicep do its job pumping his husband’s fist. Sonny admired the scene, then stood and quickly undressed. Silently, Rafael watched Sonny undress as he continued to fondle himself, then slipped his other hand under his balls, cupping them and rolling one at a time. Sonny stepped out of his underwear, tossing it into the hamper, then stood at the foot of the bed. “You’re fucking gorgeous, do you know that?” he asked, crawling across the bed to sit at his husband’s hip. “I’ve been wanting to see this, to touch you like this, all day.” His eyes scanned over the form in front of him, and a lazy grin took over. “Look at this beautiful cock.” Sonny leaned forward, ghosting his breath over the tip of Rafael’s stiff penis. He carefully licked the slit once, then twice, before he sat back up. “I want to watch you,” he murmured, leaning in to kiss Rafael’s lips. “I’m going to watch you come.”

“Sonny,” Rafael whined softly, “No, Son. Let me suck you, or fuck you...whatever you want...I need more tonight, I need you. Please.”

Sonny kissed him again, gently, and rested a hand on his chest. “Let’s see how you do,” he teased, and ran an index finger around the tip of Rafael’s cock. “When you get close, you let me know. If you’ve been a good boy for me, then maybe--just maybe--I’ll make it all worth your while. Fair?” He raised an eyebrow, and Rafael began to pump himself faster.

“It’s so much better when you do it, Sonny,” he grumbled, despite the sparks he felt low in his belly. Sonny was sitting next to him, just inches away, and he suddenly felt a sharp pinch on his nipple. “Ah,” he cried softly. “Jesus, you torture me.”

Sonny laughed softly. “What would you prefer, guapo?” he teased, stroking the nipple with one finger. “My tongue tracing all over your body? Circling these sweet nipples? Fingers gripping these lush hips as I fuck into that tight hole of yours?” Rafael’s hand began to move faster as his body took on a soft sheen. His eyes closed and his mouth opened in a soft moan. “That’s right,” Sonny continued, running a finger along Rafael’s lips. “Ah, you love to suck cock, don’t you, baby? Love my dick crammed into that sweet, sweet mouth, tapping the back of your throat until there’s no room for anything more, right? Not even any room for thought.”

Sonny watched his husband’s hand flying over his cock, hips thrusting upward. “Sonny,” Rafael gasped. “Please, Sonny...please touch me. I’ll do anything...whatever you want...please, baby.”

Sonny reached down to touch himself, only to find he was far less erect than he thought he’d be. His heart was racing, he felt aroused, but for whatever reason, his cock was seemingly uninterested. 

He’d planned this all day, taking the dominant role, watching Rafael work himself up to please him, letting Rafael get desperate like he was now. The plan had been to get him stiff and dripping, desperate and needy, then flip him over and fuck him into oblivion, bringing him to orgasm and possibly even milking him more, after. It was something they’d talked about trying many times and tonight had been the night. Until now, when his erection was anything but...erect.

Rafael was shuddering, and Sonny knew he was close. Sonny caught his hand, stilling it, and pulled it off of Rafael’s cock before squeezing the base with his own hand firmly. “Take a break, sweetheart,” he directed, “Don’t touch that cock.” He leaned forward and took one ball in his mouth, rolling it around and sucking gently, until Rafael began to moan softly. He slipped it out of his mouth, taking the other one in and repeating the motion. After a moment, he allowed the second to slip out as well. “Rafael, do you want to come for me? Would you like that?”

“I thought--” Rafael broke character, starting to sit up, but suddenly lay back down, and Sonny wasn’t sure if he saw the problem or just the expression on Sonny’s face. “Yes, baby. I want to come for you...whatever you want.”

Sonny couldn’t help but smile, despite his disappointment. Rafael was committed to staying in character, to completing this evening however Sonny decided it should go. He suddenly felt Rafael’s hand softly grip his wrist. “Should I...I could suck you, if you want. However you want. On my knees, I can take you all the way down--”

Sonny smiled. “I know you can, love. But not tonight. Tonight you’ve been a very, very patient lover. Such a good boy for me. It’s time for you to come, baby.” Sonny took Rafael’s cock in his hand, wiping off the thick droplet of precum and then taking it into his mouth quickly and sucking hard. He moved up and down expertly, with Rafael gasping immediately. Sonny’s fingers moved over Rafael’s balls, then to his hole, gently tracing up and down his crack as he bobbed until Rafael thrust upward and cried out in pleasure, and Sonny’s mouth filled with hot semen. 

A few minutes later, Sonny lay next to Rafael, who was still trying to catch his breath, and rested a hand in the hair on Rafael’s chest. “Good?” he asked, kissing his temple.

“Jesus, yes,” Rafael exhaled heavily. “How about you though, honey? I thought--”

“Yeah, I thought we were going to be trying something new also, but, uh…” he held up the sheet, looking down at himself, still as flaccid as before. “Hopefully it’s a weird one-off, you know?”

Rafael chuckled softly. “It’s gotta be, because this is NOT the norm.” He leaned over and kissed Sonny again. “I love you, soleado.”

“I love you too, baby.” They twisted together until Rafael’s head was resting on Sonny’s chest and their limbs were tangled, the same as every night.


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ever since he’d left SVU, it had felt like he and Sonny were getting less time together, despite the fact that they had planned on having more. The squad was still short a member and everyone was adjusting to the new ADA, so Sonny was inadvertently working more. Rafael felt some days like compulsively apologizing, but every time he tried to, Sonny held up a hand and shook his head. “This is not on you,” he said firmly. “Not only that, but I’m proud of you, Rafi. I mean that.” 
> 
> ***  
> A day for just them, and relaxation leads to fun for Sonny and Rafael...but it doesn't last forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello and thank you for reading!
> 
> I initially posted this chapter a few hours ago, but after reviewing my notes, have decided to lengthen it. So if you left off with a tearful, grateful Sonny, there's more to this chapter!!! 
> 
> It turns out that my characters talk a lot...about everything. So just know not only will you get smut in spades, you will also get ongoing dialogue about what they're going through. And hopefully, healthy communication will assist them both in solving whatever is going on.
> 
> Kudos and compliments are always appreciated!

It was a rainy Saturday, and Rafael had taken Marley to his mom’s that morning to spend the day and night.

Ever since he’d left SVU, it had felt like he and Sonny were getting less time together, despite the fact that they had planned on having more. The squad was still short a member and everyone was adjusting to the new ADA, so Sonny was inadvertently working more. Rafael felt some days like compulsively apologizing, but every time he tried to, Sonny held up a hand and shook his head. “This is not on you,” he said firmly. “Not only that, but I’m proud of you, Rafi. I mean that.” And Rafael believed him, for the most part. He’d even heard Sonny brag about him a couple of times. “Oh, yeah, he used to work for the DA’s office, but he recently took a position with Project Innocence. He was ready for a change.” And depending on his audience, Sonny sometimes added, “Yeah, he wanted to be able to be home for our daughter more. Being a great dad is important to him. He was already such a good dad, and I always told him that, but Rafael, he wasn’t satisfied with that. He wants to be the best father he can to Marley.” That won him a tremendous amount of oohs and ahhs. Apparently, committed dads were harder to find than he thought.

But right now they were taking their time with each other, making out and being loud about it. Both completely naked and rolling around as though they couldn’t get enough of each other, fingers and lips and tongues traced their landscapes. Rafael eagerly sucked hickeys on Sonny’s skin, one of his favorite pastimes. Something about the purple against the pale white of Sonny’s skin tone gave him a perverse satisfaction. When they had been dating, Rafael would often leave his mark just along the line of Sonny’s collar, making it difficult to keep the collar’s edge up high enough to obscure the mark. It was like a game for him, and many days he grinned to himself, imagining when he would see his handiwork. That was before anyone knew it was _his_ handiwork, and way before Sonny had discovered his kinky little secret of submissive play. Rafael didn’t always take the submissive role; in fact, they only occasionally played dom/sub. But lately that seemed to be something they both enjoyed, and once again, he’d agreed to be submissive to Sonny’s dom. Whenever Sonny suggested it, a secret thrill rippled through him, and he wondered exactly what Sonny was thinking of requiring him to do. Today, though, seemed a little off; so far, all they’d done was roll around making out, instead of really taking on roles. Not that Rafael minded. His dick was hard as a rock either way. 

“Mmm,” Sonny moaned as Rafael sucked on the flesh at his neck, “like that. Just like that, sexy. Gonna go down on you in a minute, fucking suck you off. You like that, baby? Suck the jiz right out of you?”

Rafael let go of Sonny’s neck, making a popping sound as he did. “That what you want to do?” he asked. “Because you know I’m ready to please you whenever you--”

“You know what would please me, sweet boy? Get your sexy self into that recliner there.” Sonny nodded to the recliner they kept in their bedroom. “I’m gonna suck me some cock.”

“Sonny,” Rafael said sweetly, breaking character yet again, “why don’t we try something different? Maybe you just need some other kind of stimulation. You could let me use my hand, or my mouth...I mean, maybe if it’s me instead of you, it might work. Do you think?”

Sonny lay back on the bed. “I don’t know. I don’t know what’s going on, but it’s pissing me off. I mean, you arranged for us to have this whole day and night together with no interruptions, just to enjoy each other, and here I am not able to get it up again. How many times is this? Three or four now?”

“Yeah...over the last several weeks though. Not consistently.”

“Consistent enough.” Sonny covered his eyes with his forearm, and Rafael could tell he was not only frustrated, but embarrassed. 

“Hey, it’s okay,” he soothed. “Why don’t we just take the pressure off of doing it, and just enjoy other stuff today? Like we could take a bath together, have some wine, watch a little porn...see where we end up?”

Sonny sniffed. “And what if we end up right where we are now?”

“Well,” Rafael reasoned, “we’ll end up there cleaner, and drunker, and more curious about sex than before.” At Sonny’s snort, he added, “I’m doing my best here, Sonny. Want to at least try?”

Sonny sighed. “Yeah. Of course I do.” He leaned over and kissed Rafael. “What do you want first?”

“A bath.” He leaned over and kissed Sonny. “I love you,” he said gently, then bent over and kissed Sonny’s cock. “And you too, stubborn pole of pleasure.”

Sonny burst out laughing. “And people think I’m the dork.”

Rafael stood and headed toward the bath. “Yes, they do.”

***

The afternoon ended up being deliciously relaxing. They stayed in the bathtub for an hour, talking about the changes at both of their jobs and what they were enjoying at work these days, then got out and dried each other off before dressing each other in their favorite comfy clothes. Sonny chose to put Rafael in his violet lace bikini panties under Fordham sweats and a Nike tank top, and Rafael put Sonny in his hot pink thong, basketball shorts, and a Harvard tee. They lounged around eating a little pizza and drinking wine as they watched trash TV, until Rafael suggested they put something “more tawdry” on, and move the party to the bedroom, which they did.

“Tawdry”, Sonny repeated, laughing. “You and your vocabulary.”

“Hmm, Bayard is impressed.” They were undressing down to their underwear and climbing into bed.

“I bet he is,” Sonny teased. “Don’t tell me he’s trying to steal my man.”

“Impossible,” Rafael said, leaning over the bed and kissing Sonny. “Your man isn’t stealable. He’s too madly in love with you.”

Sonny turned on the TV and set the internet to stream. “I hope so. Does this work for you?”

Rafael glanced up at the screen. “Um, yes, I think that’s just fine...oh wow, yeah. That’s good.”

Sonny grinned as he slid onto the bed. “Like that, huh?” He paused for a minute. “Oh jesus. Fuck, that’s hot. Damn, Rafi.”

Rafael didn’t respond with words, instead lowered himself to his husband’s pelvis and wetly mouthed along his panties before pulling his hardening cock out of the fabric. He worked himself up and down Sonny’s length, feeling Sonny stiffen with each minute, until he realized Sonny’s hand was in his hair and Sonny was softly saying his name.

Rafael swallowed the head and let Sonny guide him from there, moving him further down, before slowly beginning to pump himself in and out. A few minutes later, he felt Sonny shaking, and he grasped his thighs to brace himself. “Raf, I’m gonna come...baby, please…” Rafael hung on as Sonny thrust a handful more times, then came down his throat.

A moment later,Rafael pulled off, resting on Sonny’s thigh. He could feel Sonny still shaking, hear him trying to catch his breath, and he moved up slowly. Kissing Sonny’s temple, he suddenly realized his husband was crying. “You okay, honey?” he asked. “I love you.”

“Yeah, I”m okay,” he whispered. “Just...just grateful. For you and your patience.”

Rafael kissed his temple again, then wrapped his arms around him. “My love. My one true love.”

***

“Just stop, Raf. There’s no point.” 

It was just days later, and once again Sonny was struggling with getting an erection. Rafael let go of Sonny’s cock, and Sonny immediately rolled away from him, facing the opposite direction. “Hey,” Rafael tried to comfort him, “this is actually really normal, Son. You’re almost forty, you have a super stressful job--”

“Just stop,” he repeated tearfully. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Sonny.” Rafael tried to wrap an arm around him, but Sonny shoved it off. Not sure what to do, Rafael said quietly “I love you, honey.”

Sonny burst into tears. “I’m thirty-nine years old, Rafi. This stuff isn’t supposed to happen for at least ten more years, and it shouldn’t even happen then. This--sex--it’s a huge way that we relate to each other. It’s how I show you I love you and now...now, what am I supposed to do?”

Rafael pressed a kiss to Sonny’s shoulder. “I think you should make an appointment with your doctor. Just check to make sure everything’s all right...you know, just from what I’ve read, this can happen for a multitude of reasons--stress, changes in our schedules--and it absolutely can and does happen to men our age.”

Sonny snorted. “It happens to men YOUR age. Not men my age. I’m nine years younger than you, Rafael.” Turning to Rafael, he said, “Did it happen to you at thirty-nine?”

Rafael opened his mouth, then shut it.

“Yeah, I didn’t think so. At my age, you were out tapping half the gay bars in the city!”

“Hey!” Rafael said, offended. “I wasn’t THAT slutty.” Seeing Sonny roll back over away from him, he said, “Your doctor should be able to help, honey. I mean, this is why they have Viagra, you know? I’ll even go with you if you want.”

“Great! So my doctor can see how I can’t satisfy my OLDER husband, who clearly has no trouble getting it up!”

“It seems to me,” Rafael said quietly, “that it’s your older husband who can’t satisfy you, rather than the other way around.”

Sonny froze, then turned to face him, this time with an expression of sadness. He caught Rafael’s face in his hands. “Rafi, you know this isn’t on you. We’ve had a fantastic sex life for years. It’s...it’s my body that’s not cooperating, and you know I’m just as sexually attracted to you as I’ve ever been.”

“Do I?” Rafael asked. “As long as we’re laying it all out here…” His voice quavered. “Maybe it is me. I’ve gained weight and I’m going gray. I’ve changed jobs and been selfish. It’s put more pressure on you. Things have changed around here, and maybe all of that is just putting pressure on you and this is what’s happened, how your body, your mind are dealing with it. Or maybe you’re not as attracted to a heavier guy who stays home half time with a kid.” Rafael paused, and Sonny could tell he was working up the courage to continue his statement. “Some people aren’t, and that’s okay. If you’re not attracted to me now, it’s understandable. If that’s it, Sonny, you can tell me.”

Rafael’s voice was shaky, and Sonny felt like absolute shit. “Rafi, I promise you, to the best of my knowledge, this is not about you.” He reached over and cupped his husband’s cheek. “I am just as attracted to you now as I was on our wedding day. Moreso, even.”

Rafael shifted his face so he could kiss Sonny’s hand. “We could always go see my therapist, also. She might have some ideas on how to make this better. I trust her, Sonny. She’s intelligent and compassionate, and so non-judgmental. Would you consider it? For me?”

Sonny sighed. “Can I go to my doctor first and see what he says?”

Rafael nodded. “Yeah. I just want us to do something...I miss this with you.”

“Despite what my dick is indicating,” Sonny replied, “so do I.”


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny took a sip of the scotch, then reached into his pants pocket. “Apparently, little blue pills fix everything,” he said, shaking the bottle in his hand. “He said these days, more and more men my age are experiencing changes in their sexual functioning, and what’s happened to me isn’t unusual at all.”
> 
> “Well, did he say what was causing it? I’ve done a little reading and it can sometimes indicate another physical issue.”
> 
> Sonny shrugged. “Not sure yet. My blood pressure was a little high, but that could have just been because of the appointment itself, you know? He did a prostate exam and everything seemed fine there. I have this machine that I’m supposed to attach to Junior three nights next week, and it’ll record any stiffies I get--”
> 
> “I swear you are the only guy I know over the age of fifteen who uses the word ‘stiffies’,” Rafael groaned, rubbing his eyes.
> 
> “I’m sorry my vocabulary isn’t as fancy as yours, counselor,” Sonny snapped, “particularly when the reason I’m tellin’ you about recording my stiffies is because he’s not sure I’m gettin any, and that could indicate a REAL problem.”
> 
> ****  
> Sonny pays a visit to his doctor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello and thank you for reading! I'm sorry I've not been as on top of this as I was hoping for, but fingers crossed that I will speed it up from this point on! This is a relatively short chapter, but needed.
> 
> In case you've missed it, this fic is about stress-related erectile dysfunction. As with almost all of my fics, I try to make sure they are as factually accurate as possible, so if you read something that is completely wrong, please feel free to let me know so I can fix it! Because of the topic matter, there's quite a bit of smut here. Just keep in mind that it's really a love story about what two partners are willing to do for each other.
> 
> Your kudos and comments are absolute gold to me. I appreciate every one!

Rafael took a sip of his scotch. He was expecting Sonny home any time from his doctor’s appointment, and they had planned to talk alone about whatever the doctor had said. Deb had come by earlier to pick up Marlene for the night. Sonny had been careful not to let his mom know anything was going on, instead asking if Marley could spend the night because she missed her grandmother. “Right,” Deb had replied suspiciously. “And I suppose you and Rafael won’t be doing anything adult-like while she’s gone?”

“Do you really want to know what we do?” Sonny had asked her, and she had immediately replied, saying five o’clock was just fine, and she would pick her up then to stay the night.

Rafael had been nervous all afternoon, worried about what Sonny’s doctor might be saying. If the problem was physical, he was worried it would be harder to fix. But if it was psychological, would Sonny be willing to fix it? And how much of it was his, Rafael’s, own fault in that case?

The door opened and Sonny entered, cheeks rosy from the cold. Shutting the door behind him, he began to pull off his coat before he noticed Rafael sitting in the room, smiling at him. “Hey,” he greeted warmly, hanging his coat and making his way to his husband. He placed a kiss on his lips before plopping down on the sofa next to him. Nodding to the scotch, he asked, “Any of that for me?”

Rafael smiled and handed him the glass. “Help yourself. How’d it go?”

Sonny took a sip of the scotch, then reached into his pants pocket. “Apparently, little blue pills fix everything,” he said, shaking the bottle in his hand. “He said these days, more and more men my age are experiencing changes in their sexual functioning, and what’s happened to me isn’t unusual at all.”

“Well, did he say what was causing it? I’ve done a little reading and it can sometimes indicate another physical issue.”

Sonny shrugged. “Not sure yet. My blood pressure was a little high, but that could have just been because of the appointment itself, you know? He did a prostate exam and everything seemed fine there. I have this machine that I’m supposed to attach to Junior three nights next week, and it’ll record any stiffies I get--”

“I swear you are the only guy I know over the age of fifteen who uses the word ‘stiffies’,” Rafael groaned, rubbing his eyes.

“I’m sorry my vocabulary isn’t as fancy as yours, counselor,” Sonny snapped, “particularly when the reason I’m tellin’ you about recording my stiffies is because he’s not sure I’m gettin any, and that could indicate a REAL problem.”

Rafael dropped his hand. “I’m sorry, Sonny. You’re right, I was completely out of line.” He leaned toward Sonny. “But he felt comfortable giving you the viagra, even if there might be a problem?”

Sonny nodded. “I guess the biggest concern is with the heart, but aside from a slight elevation today in my blood pressure, it all seemed good. And when we went through my history, he seemed to feel the most likely reason I’m experiencing this is probably due to...uh, my head.” Rafael was looking at him with a mix of confusion and concern. He cleared his throat. “Uhm, you know...the stress...anxiety, depression...that kind of stuff.”

Rafael suddenly nodded. “Ah...I see.” They both knew he was refraining from an “I told you so”. “Would it help for us to see Renata, my therapist? She’s really good, Sonny. She’s so--”

Sonny held up a hand. “Can we just try these first? Please? Until the doc decides what the next step should be?”

“Okay,” Rafael agreed. “But what IS the next step?”

“I go back in two weeks with this machine, and he’ll take a look and decide what direction he thinks we should go in.” He shook the bottle in his hand. “He gave me ten, to last for two weeks. I told him to be generous.” Sonny grinned crookedly from ear to ear. “I just have to take one thirty to sixty minutes before the action, and proceed as usual. It should let me get hard for up to four hours. I guess everyone knows, though, that if it’s longer than four hours, go to the ER because there’s a problem.”

Rafael nodded. “So, uh...are we gonna eat dinner first? Or do some stuff? Or do you want to go ahead and try it? It’s five already…”

“I guess go about our Friday as usual? You want me to cook dinner tonight? I was thinking about doing an asian chicken salad.”

Rafael shrugged. “Sure, that’s fine. I’m gonna work on my case for next week, I guess, if that’s all right. I’m gonna head into the study.”

Sonny nodded, watching his husband head into the study, and wondered if this pill was going to make things better or worse.

***

After dinner, they worked together quietly to clean the kitchen. Rafael hadn’t seen Sonny take the pill and Sonny hadn’t commented on it, so he finally asked.

“Yeah,” Sonny told him, “I took it with dinner, about twenty minutes ago.”

Rafael finished drying the pan he had in his hands and put it away, then reached for his husband, pulling him in for a deep and sexy kiss. “Let’s go to the bedroom,” he said suggestively, eyelids heavy as he licked his lips.

“Let’s go,” Sonny replied, holding his husband’s hand and following his lead. Once they entered the bedroom, Rafael closed the curtains and turned on one of the nightstand lamps before going back to Sonny and cupping his chin, kissing him again. Sonny let himself be seduced, cooperating with Rafael’s hands undressing him and his mouth tasting him. Rafael eased him out of his shirt, running a finger over each nipple gently before leaning forward. He licked each tip, listening to Sonny moan, then nipped and sucked one at a time. “Yesss,” Sonny hissed, feeling hot all over, and he ghosted his hand over his own crotch. His cock was hard and ready to be freed.

He reached for Rafael’s hand, but Rafael caught him first. “I know you’re ready,” he murmured against Sonny’s ear. “Now I just need you to tell me what you want to do with that beautiful thing.”

“Fuck,” Sonny moaned as Rafael’s tongue lightly traced the inside of his ear before running along the outer edge. “I wanna fuck you, baby...nice and deep and slow...inside that perfect ass of yours…”

“Mmmm,” Rafael moaned as Sonny’s hands quickly stripped him of his shirt, then pants and underwear. He stood naked in front of Sonny, cock hard and dripping, hands resting on Sonny’s hips. “You’re gorgeous, Sonny,” he murmured, kissing his chest and slowly going to his knees. “So perfect, soleado. I can’t wait for you to have me again, feel you deep.” He sucked Sonny’s cock into his mouth, wetting him and tasting the precum coating his slit and glans. “Incredible,” he murmured again, and Sonny was still for a couple of minutes before pulling Rafael off, guiding him to the bed, and having him climb on. Lying next to him, he wrapped his arms around Rafael and kissed him slowly.

  
  
  
  
  


Rafael’s fingers danced down Sonny’s body, over his pecs, then to his stomach where he rested his palms, feeling the warm rise and fall with each breath. Sonny’s kisses grew softer and deeper, until Rafael eased one hand down, over Sonny’s hip to his erection, and wrapped his fingers around the shaft. Then Sonny’s breath caught in his throat and he shivered.

“I love you, Rafael.” He spoke the words softly into his husband’s mouth, eyes closed, enjoying the pleasure and warmth of the man beside him. Sonny’s fingertips traced Rafael’s spine up and down repeatedly as Rafael’s hand slowly jerked his cock; Sonny let his fingers continue down, slowly, until he was tracing the crack of Rafael’s ass. After a moment, Rafael hooked his leg over Sonny’s, opening himself up slightly, and Sonny allowed his fingers to ghost over the sensitive flesh. Hearing his husband’s moan, Sonny asked, “Are you ready for more?”

“Mmm. Yes.” At his response, Sonny reached behind him and pulled the drawer open, fishing around for the lube. Once he retrieved it, he squeezed a bit onto his fingers and warmed it, rubbing his fingers together. Carefully, he applied the lube to Rafael, then slid one finger partially inside, until he felt resistance. He leaned forward and kissed Rafael, then murmured, “Relax, honey...yes, like that...that’s it.” His finger slid deeper, and Rafael moaned.

“Ahh, Sonny.” Rafael pushed back against him slightly, leaning into the pressure of the finger inside of him. “You feel good...give me more, baby, please…” He felt another finger slowly enter him, then Sonny’s lips were brushing against his ear, and he sighed deeply from the pleasure of it all.

“Good like that, baby?” Sonny asked, scissoring his fingers before adding a third.

Rafael hummed, eyes closed. “You always feel so good, Sonny. I’m ready, I’ve been ready for you for days--”

Sonny laughed, then pressed his lips to Rafael’s. “I guess that’s true for both of us...thank God for little blue pills, eh? Lay on your back. I wanna look at you while we fuck.”

Rafael rolled over as Sonny helped position a pillow under him, and he pulled his knees up as Sonny lubed himself. “You ready?” Sonny asked, and Rafael nodded.

They made love, moving seamlessly together, kissing endlessly. Although he’d tried not to focus on it lately, Rafael knew that he’d desperately missed this, this ability to connect on a physical level with his husband. They’d always had a very active sex life, and Sonny had been right when he’d said it was a way they expressed their love for one another. Rafael had never experienced bliss the way he had with Sonny. More than physical release, it was a deep, powerful connection, and as they moved together, he was reminded how very much he loved this man. Sonny’s mouth was on his jaw, his cheek, his ear, before covering his mouth again in deep, passionate kisses. Rafael never wanted it to end.

Sonny’s lips were caressing Rafael’s ear. “Baby, I’m so close,” he murmured. “I love you, Rafi...love you with my whole soul…”

Rafael opened his eyes, holding Sonny’s face in his hands. “Come on, querido. Come inside me. Love you…”

Sonny climaxed a moment later, arching his back as Rafael masturbated himself quickly to orgasm. A few moments later, Sonny collapsed next to his husband on the bed. It had been a rough few months, but he had faith they would work it out, make it through. He loved Rafael, more than anyone he’d ever known. He couldn’t imagine ever wanting this with anyone else.

“I know it’s a shortcut and doesn’t solve whatever may be going on long term here,” he gasped, “but damn if that pill wasn’t worth it.”

Rafael broke into a grin, then rolled over and kissed Sonny breathless. “Agreed, 100 percent,” he added, stretching out again. They needed to clean up, but neither was in a hurry to do anything but enjoy the moment.


	4. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey Papi, I wonder what you gotta do for husband homework,” Marley pondered as they got in the elevator.
> 
> “I don’t know,” he answered. “I think it’s a whole lot of talking, probably. Daddy and I want to get better at that.”
> 
> “Huh,” Marley said. “I think it’s a whole wot of tissing, probably. I betcha you an’ Daddy wanna get better at that, too, wight?” Seeing his face, she burst into laughter. “My dads are gonna practice tissin’!” she giggled. “Tissy-faces all night wong!”
> 
> ****  
> She's not all that wrong.
> 
> Sonny and Rafael are assigned "husband homework" by their therapist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos and comments rock, and I am so grateful when I get them! I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Rafael nervously drummed his fingers on the arm of the sofa. He was waiting for Sonny, who was supposed to have arrived ten minutes before. He wondered if Renata had the same app that Amy, Marlene’s therapist, had, that allowed her to watch the waiting room from her office. Was she watching him, realizing his husband was standing him up? He could feel his heart beating faster in his chest so he forced a sigh, trying to regulate everything back to a more comfortable speed. It didn’t work.

“Hey,” Sonny said as he rushed in the door. It was raining and chilly, and the air made him shiver. “Sorry I’m late...case at work kept me from leaving on time.” He leaned over and kissed Rafael on the cheek. “Been here long?”

Rafael checked his watch. “Just about ten minutes...she should be here any time--”

The door to the back opened, and Rafael became more convinced that Renata really had been watching them. “Hey, Rafael,” she greeted, adjusting her purple cat-s eye glasses. “You all ready?” He nodded and they followed her back to her office.

Once they were seated, Rafael and Sonny on the loveseat and Renata in her overstuffed chair that Rafael had secretly come to envy over the last few months, Rafael motioned to Sonny. “So here he is,” he began, trying to be lighthearted and funny, “my other half, Sonny. Some days he’s known as my better half.”

Sonny smiled and shook Renata’s hand. “Just the other half. It’s hard to be better than this.” He nodded toward Rafael.

“But apparently, not harder to be cheesier,” Rafael quipped, rolling his eyes, then taking Sonny’s hand in his.

Renata settled into her chair and smiled. “So...Sonny, it’s nice to meet you. Rafael has told me that you all wanted to improve some aspects of your relationship, and I was wondering if you could start us off...what are you looking to accomplish here?”

Sonny looked at Rafael for a second, then turned back to Renata. “Well, I don’t know how much Rafael has told you...we’ve had a lot of changes in the last few months, as I’m sure you’re aware of...the trauma he and Marley went through, then him changing jobs, our schedules changing, we no longer work together, my hours are longer, Marley has started kindergarten, I’m about to turn forty...at any rate, ah...I’ve been having some trouble...in the bedroom...performing.” Sonny could feel his cheeks burning, but Rafael squeezed his hand, so he continued. “I’ve seen my doctor and he’s ruled out physical causes. He thinks it’s probably stress, and suggested some relationship counseling, along with exercise. So I’m trying to get some workouts in before my shifts a few times each week. Rafael was willing for us to do this, so here we are...I love my husband, and he deserves the world, so I’m here to fix this.”

“It sounds like there has been a lot of stress in your life over the last few months. As far as your level of stress, compared to the least and most stress in your life, how would you rate this? Least being one and most being ten.”

Sonny immediately responded, “Ten. Definitely a ten--it’s the most I’ve ever experienced.”

Renata nodded. “Can you tell us about another time that was highly stressful and what was going on? A time that you would rank directly behind right now as being most stressful.”

He sighed. “I don’t know...probably when I was in college. I went through a period where I thought I should have gone into the priesthood, but I knew I was bisexual and couldn’t make those things align. My parents wanted to know why I was making the choices I was...coming out to my family and risking losing everything was probably the most stressful I can compare to now.”

Rafael turned to him, stunned. “This feels more stressful to you?”

“Yeah,” Sonny answered, immediately defensive. “I’m exhausted. I never see my family. Whenever I’ve had to work like this before, deal with these cases like this, you’ve been beside me. SVU isn’t easy alone. And while you and Marley are off finger painting or playing in the park, I’m hunting down pedophiles and rapists. I’m trying to comfort people going through the worst times in their lives. I know you remember that--it’s why you left, isn’t it? At least in part?”

Rafael suddenly realized he was holding his breath, quite likely out of anger, and before he could stop himself, the words flew out of his mouth. “A small part, yes. But as you may remember, I wanted to be with our daughter. We talked about this. At length. We agreed that it was a GOOD thing for me to be at home with her more. And you’re not alone, Sonny--you’ve got an entire team of people who are there to help you. If you need more, then maybe reaching out for therapy is something YOU should consider. You were awfully quick to tell me that I needed it. I did it, and I’m doing well. Marlene did it too, and she’s doing well. You’ve resisted, and here we are. And by the way, please don’t devalue the work I do with our daughter like that. I realize that fingerpainting is not changing the world in the same manner as an SVU detective, but personally, I’m pleased that we have a child who is developing skills that will contribute to her being able to write, and to read, and to, you know, be functional.”

They sat in silence for several seconds, until Renata finally said, “Sonny, you sound to me like you feel isolated. Is that accurate?”

He felt his eyes welling up, and he nodded. “Pretty much all the time, right now. And I hate it.”

“That’s understandable,” Renata said. “You’ve gone from a structure where you and Rafael had a lot of time together to one where you have very little. We can work on changing that structure. What I generally do when I work with couples is give weekly homework assignments. These are things that you will do together, most of the time, and then we will talk about them when you’re here. The first thing I’m going to assign you is for the two of you to figure out one time each week that you will do something together, and the something you do cannot be sexual. It has to be something that allows you time to talk and relate to one another--going out to dinner, or meeting for a glass of wine are options. Going to a movie isn’t, because you can’t talk during the movie. Understand?”

At their nods, she continued. “When you come next week you’ll need to tell me what it is you’ve agreed to do and when it will happen each week, as well as how it went this week when you did it. The other thing I’m going to assign you is a piece of homework in the bedroom. This week you’re going to spend at least twenty minutes one evening kissing and touching, but you are not allowed to touch each other sexually. No sex during the week otherwise either. We are going to take the pressure off.”

“We’ve always related to each other sexually,” Rafael started, but she interrupted him.

“I’m sure that’s true, which is probably part of the reason you’re having this problem. It’s time to learn how to talk, to relate to each other in other ways. Do you both agree to try this for a week and we will see where we’re at, next week?”

Sonny and Rafael looked at one another, mixes of hurt, fear, and uncertainty displayed on their features. “Yeah,” Sonny said. “I agree.”

“Me too,” Rafael said quietly, and he felt Sonny reach for his hand this time.

“Now,” Renata began again, “why don’t we talk about the most stressful times you’ve experienced, Rafael?”

***

It took ten minutes, two phone calls, and a three-minute conversation with a five-year old to take care of a once-weekly adult time. All of the grands agreed that Saturday nights would be a perfect time for Marley to spend the night, and they would rotate Saturdays to do it. A grand would pick her up from her dads on Saturday, sometime before five p.m., and a dad would pick her up from the grands on Sunday, sometime before five p.m. The times might vary depending on schedules, but Sonny and Rafael were guaranteed an evening alone each week, and Marlene agreed to go along with it, because she knew who buttered her bread. That’s what Sonny said, smirking, when they were reviewing it, and Rafael snickered until Marley interrupted them. “I don’t wike butter on my bread, you peoples. I wike PEANUT butter. And jelly.” And then they all laughed.

The next part of their homework wasn’t as easy. Rafael made sure that Marley’s stuff was packed and ready to go on Saturday. Deb was planning to pick her up around four, and Sonny was due home about the same time, with all of Sunday off. “Okay,” Rafael said, looking at her open duffle bag, “do we have everything you need? Is there anything else you need to take?”

Marley bounced up and down on her bed, drinking water from a sports bottle. “Uh, nope. I don’t think so.” She glanced at Pru, who was sitting next to her, panting and bouncing up and down as a result of Marley’s bouncing. “On second thought...yes! Yes, Papi! Pru needs to go. Grammy woves her. Tan I take her?”

“No.” He poked around in the bag as Marley made a face at him, then took a drink. “Where’s your toothbrush?”

She swallowed her water. “In the bathroom. If I take it, I might weave it at Grammy’s and that would not be good.”

“Go get it,” he told her. “If you forget it, we will give you another one when you get home.”

He checked everything else in her bag, and she slowly handed him her toothbrush. “Hey Papi?” she asked, “Can I stay here with you and Daddy tonight? I miss my daddy.” She sighed and sat back down on her bed. “He goes to work all the time. It might be funner if I stay here.”

“Well, I don’t think so,” Rafael said, trying to sound convincing. “Remember, Daddy and I have to do homework tonight--”

“Husband homework,” she added, and he nodded as she smiled.

“That’s right. And only husbands are allowed for husband homework. When you get home tomorrow, it’ll be time for you and Daddy to play together, remember? What did Daddy tell you he wanted to do with you?”

“Go to the park! We’re gonna go to the park with Pru!” she said excitedly, bouncing up and down on her bed again. “Otay, I’m weady to go to Grammy’s!” She stood up and he followed her out to the living room, duffle bag in tow, just as he got a text from Deb.

“Okay, Grammy says she’ll be here in about five minutes. We need to meet her downstairs,” Rafael told her, and she nodded. They slid their shoes on and started to head downstairs. 

“Hey Papi, I wonder what you gotta do for husband homework,” Marley pondered as they got in the elevator.

“I don’t know,” he answered. “I think it’s a whole lot of talking, probably. Daddy and I want to get better at that.”

“Huh,” Marley said. “I think it’s a whole wot of tissing, probably. I betcha you an’ Daddy wanna get better at that, too, wight?” Seeing his face, she burst into laughter. “My dads are gonna practice tissin’!” she giggled. “Tissy-faces all night wong!”

***

“Your daughter thinks we’re going to be making ‘tissy faces’ all night long,” Rafael told Sonny as they undressed in the bedroom.

He chuckled. “Oh yeah? That kid...what do you want to bet she told my mom that? My mom probably thinks we’ve hinted at some big orgy we’re having tonight. Ironic since the husband homework rule this week is no sex.”

“It’s more than no sex,” Rafael reminded him, climbing into bed. “We’re supposed to make out without touching the good stuff.”

Sonny snorted. “I guess Renata doesn’t realize that your hands naturally rest on my balls when we sleep.” He climbed into bed next to Rafael.

“Har har.” He rolled onto his side, facing Sonny. “Are you gonna turn off the light?”

“Yeah...yeah, sure.” He reached over and flipped off the light, then turned back to stroke Rafael’s arm. “Should we, um, set a timer or something? She said twenty minutes…”

“Sure.” Rafael rolled over and picked up his phone, setting the timer. “Okay. We’re set. Ready?” He leaned forward just as Sonny did, bumping noses in the dark and both bursting into giggles. “Oh my God,” Rafael laughed, clutching his nose, “you’re an absolute bird with that beak!”

“Me?” Sonny held the bridge of his nose, “You’re obviously from the same flock!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Rafael replied, feeling his nose. “Mine is a Roman nose. Do you have any idea how many men wish they had this nose?”

“Would that be before or after they stab a would-be lover with it?” Sonny continued laughing as he felt his husband move closer to him in the bed.

“Stay still, Dominick,” Rafael ordered. “I would hate to have to Roman-nose you again.” Rafael could feel Sonny’s chest shaking from the giggle. He ran his hands up from Sonny’s shoulders to his cheeks, holding his face still. His thumbs moved sideways, toward Sonny’s lips, and Rafael leaned forward to gently brush Sonny’s mouth against his own. Sonny’s hand tangled in the back of Rafael’s hair, keeping his face close, and over the next several seconds their kiss deepened. Sonny felt Rafael’s tongue gently touch his, tasting him, and he did the same. Rafael’s hands moved from his face to his neck, to his back, palms flat and slowly sliding up and down. Closing his eyes to focus on the feeling, Sonny let himself float away on the safe and pleasant feelings of being held by Rafael. He felt comforted, loved, and in the moment, as though any problem they encountered was nothing. His mind wandered to the last time they had sex, and he wished for a moment he was buried inside of his lover, driving them both to orgasm, until he suddenly heard Rafael whisper, “Dominick, I love you more than you’ll ever know.”

He opened his eyes at that, staring at Rafael in the near darkness. Rafael’s eyes were large and wide, watching him, before leaning in and kissing him again. Sonny wanted to return to the place he had just been, a place of peace and comfort. He wondered if Rafael felt that too, if he was able to feel that peace and love. He stroked Rafael’s biceps, palms flat against his skin, then leaned in and kissed Rafael deeply again. “This does feel good,” Sonny murmured softly. “Do you feel good?”

“Yes,” Rafael whispered, his own hands resting still on Sonny’s back as Sonny continued to stroke his arm. “I love touching you,” Rafael whispered, then ran his tongue along Sonny’s lips. “Tasting you, too...you taste like home to me.”

Sonny smiled lovingly. “Let me taste you…” He slowly followed Rafael’s lead, his tongue tracing Rafael’s thin lips. “You taste like love...and passion, and sex, to me,” he murmured. “I love how you taste. It reminds me of us...of everything you are to me, Rafael.” 

They lay quietly, continuing to touch each other in the silence, with fingertips, with palms, until the timer rang loudly beside Rafael. Reluctantly, he reached over to turn it off.

He rolled back to face Sonny, who was smiling at him again. “Okay, so maybe Renata isn’t as whacky as she looks,” he admitted. “I enjoyed that. I don’t know when we’ve last spent time just kissing and holding each other.”

“Me either,” Rafael said. “I told you, Renata’s a genius.”

“Mmm.” Sonny leaned over and kissed his husband goodnight. “We’ll see.”


	5. Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael laughed. “You like that?” He repeated the action and Sonny sucked in his breath and arched his chest up. “Jesus, Sonny...you love it, don’t you?” He moved to the other side and tried again. Seeing Sonny’s reaction, Rafael laughed delightedly. “Look at you! You’re a nipslut!”
> 
> “Fuck yes!” Sonny answered breathlessly. “God...do it some more…”
> 
> ****  
> The worlds most classless, useless chapter summary ever, but it makes me laugh. Read the chapter for more about the nipslut and his man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thanks for reading this story!
> 
> I love these two. I don't know what else to say other than despite any problems they have, they truly love each other and will do whatever they need to work it out. 
> 
> These little homework assignments they're having generally do exist. They're things I've read and seen suggested over the years. Just a little fyi!
> 
> Random note--if you're missing a little more Marley, I'll be posting a short fic about her starting kindergarten in the next day or so. So there's that, also.
> 
> I really do hope you're enjoying this. I'm enjoying it! Clearly, I'm humoring myself here.

“I’m curious,” began Renata, flipping through her notepad, “what was it like working together?”

Smiles immediately covered both men’s faces. “It had its challenges,” Rafael said, glancing at Sonny. “But there were some nice rewards, too.”

“There’s something powerful, knowing that you and your spouse are working together to make the city a better place,” Sonny reflected, tangling his fingers in Rafael’s. “I mean, we fell in love there. I’d bring him evidence that would make his cases, and watch him own the courtroom with it.” Sonny glanced sideways at his husband. “I’ll tell you, there was nothing sexier than watching this man in his element, knowing the perp was going down. It was heady.”

“It sounds like it,” Renata responded, tugging at her long purple ombre skirt. Sonny couldn’t help but notice the birkenstocks she was wearing, and bit back a laugh. “So what attracted you to Rafael outside of the courtroom, Sonny?”

Now he chuckled. “His humor, his sarcasm. His passion and dedication to his craft, but his vulnerability outside of work. He knew he was a kickass ADA, but he doubts himself in just about every other part of his life...it made me want to show him how amazing he was, period.”

Renata smiled and tilted her head. “Are you a rescuer? You see someone struggling and that vulnerability makes you want to save them from themselves?”

Sonny was quiet for a moment, considering that idea. “Maybe. In this case, anyway. All I know is I couldn’t take my eyes off him at work, and once it extended past that, I was done for. I knew from the beginning I’d never want anyone else.” He felt Rafael squeeze his hand, and he found himself wanting time with Rafael. There was never enough time with Rafael these days.

“What about you, Rafael? What made you fall in love with Sonny?”

Rafael immediately smirked, thinking back to his initial impressions of his husband. “Those eyes. I didn’t see them the first few days we worked together because the mustache he sported obliterated everything else. Like one of those beautiful furry caterpillars, the kind that look so pretty but are poison to the touch. It looked exactly like that, even that light brown color. I kept thinking I should heed the warning.” He heard Sonny snort and Renata chuckled. “But once he was clean-shaven, I couldn’t look away. And then the legs. The legs that went on for days.” He shook his head. “Sexy as hell.” 

They both chuckled, as though it were an intimate joke between them. “Hey, I stayed away from mentioning your ass,” Sonny teased. Turning to Renata he added, “The truth is, I’d never seen an ass like that in person and had to get to know it better.” Sonny elbowed Rafael and they both burst into laughter.

“Sorry,” Rafael said, calming himself, “We told you sex was always a big part of our relationship.”

“I hear that,” she responded, chuckling. “But besides the eyes and the legs and mutual ass appreciation, what else drew you to Sonny?”

This time, Rafael’s smile was sweet. “His heart. This man has the purest heart I’ve ever seen. He wants to do the right thing no matter what. He is a good man. I mean, obviously he’s intelligent, sexy, funny, and engaging...and I love all of that...but it was his heart that made me fall so hard. So hard it terrified me at first. His heart is beautiful.”

Sonny’s mouth was open. “I didn’t know you thought that.”

Rafael nodded. “I do. I always have.”

“Wow,” Sonny replied. “That’s something. I like learning these things in therapy.”

Renata smiled at them. “Isn’t therapy cool?”

***

Their husband homework for the week required each of them to make a list of three things they currently love or appreciate about the other. The second part of their homework--the bedroom part-- was to explore one another’s bodies and find a new spot that their partner enjoyed having touched. “You can vary the type of touch you use, or what you touch the body with,” Renata explained. “For example, you may find that your partner really enjoys a deep, firm touch at the base of the spine, or your partner may enjoy a very light lick on the earlobe. Remember, these should be new things you find out, so you may have to do this exercise more than once during the week. Genitals are off limits. I know this is two weeks now that we’ve said no sex, but remember, we are taking pressure off of the situation. Does this all make sense?”

They nodded. “We both enjoyed last week...the touching, I mean. We hadn’t done that in forever,” Sonny had shared, “although I have to admit, I’m kind of missing the, uh--”

“The action,” Rafael volunteered, and Renata had laughed.

“I can appreciate that,” she had told them, “but remember, we’re learning new ways of touching and foreplay, and we’re taking the pressure off of performance. We’ll get there.”

And so on Saturday afternoon, Rafael supervised Marley as she packed her bag for Lucia’s.

“I’m gonna take my knuffle bunny tonight, tause I bet he gets wonely when I’m not here.” Marley shoved the beloved worn bunny into the duffle bag. “I gotta get my toothbrush, wight?”

“Yes ma’am,” he answered, tossing in a pair of socks.

She returned with her toothbrush a minute later. “So Papi, what’s husband homework? Do you gotta do it every weekend?”

Rafael nodded. “It’s grown up time. Just like we need time with you, Daddy and I need time alone too. When you love people, sometimes you need some time with them.”

Marley nodded. “Wike I wove Abby, so I need time with her tonight, wight?” 

He nodded, reminding himself that one day everything wouldn’t be all about her. “Okay, sure.” 

She sat on the edge of her bed, swinging her feet restlessly. Suddenly she said, “Papi, are you and Daddy gonna get a divorce? Some of my friends at stool, their parents are getting divorces. And Grammy said to Grampy wast weekend that she hopes everything is otay and you’re not getting a divorce. I don’t think I want one. I don’t think they are a very good idea.” She paused for a second, then said, “Papi, what’s a divorce?”

“It’s when two married people decide they don’t want to be married anymore,” he explained, taking a seat next to her. “And no, Daddy and I are not getting divorced. I’m sorry you heard Grammy say that. She’s misunderstood. Daddy and I just realized that we miss spending time together, now that we don’t work together anymore, and we need some special time that’s just dad time. Entiendes, mija?”

She nodded. “I don’t want you to get a divorce. I wove my daddy. I wanna stay married.”

“I know you do,” he said, hugging her. “I do too.”

***

They were in bed, kissing and touching, when Sonny murmured, “I think I like husband homework.”

Rafael’s fingers were moving over his shoulder, pressing into the muscle. “Yeah? It’s been pretty good so far, even if I don’t get to fuck you, and you don’t get to fuck me. That’s the saddest rule about this...the no fucking rule...but I guess it’s there for a reason.”

Sonny chuckled. “I didn’t realize how much I love it when you touch me,” he mused, relaxing into Rafael’s touch. “Your hands feel so good on my body. I don’t know that I’ve ever been this aware of how my body has felt when it’s being touched. Kind of cool, you know?”

“Mmm.” Rafael leaned over and kissed Sonny’s shoulder. “Do you think nipples are off limits?”

“Ahh,” Sonny moaned lightly, “Well, they’re not genitals, so I would think it’s okay...plus I really, really think you could explore that with me. If you wanted to, of course…”

“Hmm.” Rafael chuckled, running light fingertips over Sonny’s pecs, then circling a nipple with an index finger. “I know, we both are sensitive here.”

“I’m nowhere as sensitive as you,” Sonny noted. “I already know how you’ll respond if I just think about your nips!”

Rafael tweaked the nipple in his fingers, hard, and Sonny gasped. “Jesus, Rafi...do it again!”

Rafael laughed. “You like that?” He repeated the action and Sonny sucked in his breath and arched his chest up. “Jesus, Sonny...you love it, don’t you?” He moved to the other side and tried again. Seeing Sonny’s reaction, Rafael laughed delightedly. “Look at you! You’re a nipslut!”

“Fuck yes!” Sonny answered breathlessly. “God...do it some more…”

At Sonny’s encouragement, Rafael continued tweaking his nipples forcefully as he licked and sucked his husband’s chest until Sonny began to moan softly. “You okay?” Rafael asked, worried he was being too rough.

“So, so, SO okay.” Sonny shifted in the bed, then caught Rafael’s head in his hands, bringing him in for a kiss. “I love you. You’re beautiful.”

“You are, soleado.” Rafael moved, sliding his lips down to Sonny’s neck and nibbling gently until Sonny giggled. “That tickle?”

“Mmhmm.” Sonny’s hands ran up and down Rafael’s back. “I’m hard.”

Rafael pulled back slightly and, holding up the covers, took a look. “Why yes, you are,” he noted, one eyebrow raised. “So glad he’s joined the party!”

Sonny grinned. “Except we’re not supposed to engage him this week. At all.”

Rafael frowned. “I think my opinion of Renata just sank a little. You don’t think there’s exceptions for this type of thing? I’ll go with whatever you say. After all, he IS yours…”

Sonny looked down at his erection and smiled. He felt proud. Clearly, whatever they were doing was working, and here was the proof. That was great, wasn’t it? But maybe pride wasn’t what he should be looking for, he thought. The focus really was supposed to be a better marriage, better communication, more loving acceptance between them. Horniness aside, he their sex life meant more than an orgasm.

“I guess I’m thinking long term,” he sighed, dropping the covers. “There will be other erections, right? I’m guessing the purpose of this husband homework is deeper than getting me hard?”

He watched the hopeful smile on Rafael’s face morph into a look of more serious contemplation. “You’re right, I’m sure,” he agreed, then rested his hand on Sonny’s hip. “Should we go back to exploring? Or do you want to stop?”

Sonny smiled. “Let’s keep going. This exploration thing...I’m enjoying it, and it’s working, I think.” He brushed his lips over Rafael’s. “You like it?”

Rafael’s face fell into a lazy smile. “If I get to touch you? Always.”


	6. Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When their therapist, Renata, has to miss their weekly therapy session, things are left in Sonny and Rafael's hands. They've got no husband homework, but they've got a babysitter and a viagra prescription...whatever could happen?
> 
> Especially when Sonny's anger finally reaches its max and causes him to explode?
> 
> ****  
> Not to answer my own question, but this chapter has a LOT of indecency in it. Enough for me to think I should post anonymously from now on.

**_RBC:_ ** _ Renata called. She’s sick today, can’t meet until next week. _

**_SBC:_ ** _ Okay. I may join Rollins for a drink when we finish. Be home before dinner though. _

**_RBC:_ ** _ See you then. _

“This never happens anymore, does it?” Rollins chuckled, downing a swig of beer as Sonny took a drink of his own. “We’re such...parents now.”

“SVU doesn’t leave a lot of time for other interests,” Sonny commented. “That’s half the problem between me and Rafi...now that we’re not working together, it feels like we never see each other.”

“And yet you choose to spend your spare time...your therapy appointment time...with me.” She tapped her beer bottle against his. “I’m sure that makes your lover happy.”

Sonny snorted. “If he had a problem with it, he would say so. He knows I don’t get time with anyone these days. I’ll have an entire night alone with him on Saturday. So how are you doin’? And the girls? I feel like I haven’t seen them in ages.”

Amanda smiled then, pulling out her phone to share recent photos of her girls. “Speaking of which,” she asked, halfway through her photos, “how’s Marley doing? Is kindergarten going okay? I can hardly believe Jesse’s in first grade. Where’s the time gone?”

Sonny smiled wistfully. “To be honest, you’d have to ask Rafael or Marley. I’ll actually get to have dinner with her tonight, supervise her bath, maybe have a conversation. I’m looking forward to that. Rafael’s working a case with Ellis, so he’ll be tied up for once.” He finished his beer. “I didn’t anticipate that Rafi becoming a better dad would mean that I’d be a worse one.”

She elbowed him. “You’re not a bad dad, Sonny. You and Rafael are both terrific dads. It’s just been a rough year for you guys.”

“If I was a good dad, a Rafi dad, I’d be home right now,” he said, taking a swig from a new bottle. “Sometimes I feel like I’m married to Mother Teresa.” He snorted, then said, “Father Terry.”

Amanda choked on her beer, and he whacked her back until she swallowed clearly. “Yeah, I can see how he might feel a little holier than thou at times. But I’m not married to him. Shit, Sonny, you know he means well. Hell, even I know he means well.” She took another drink. “That guy would lay himself down in an instant if it meant protecting you or Marlene.”

“I know,” Sonny grumbled, “and sometimes I just really wish he wouldn’t, you know? It makes it hard to tell him the truth about how I’m feeling.”

“You can do it. It’s why you’re doing this whole therapy thing to begin with, right? To be more honest, even when it’s difficult?”

“Kind of.” There was no way he was going to tell Rollins the truth about his uncooperative dick. “I just haven’t figured out how to tell him that it feels like while he was cleaning up his life, getting rid of what was draining him and putting in more of what made him happy, he cut me out completely...with the exception of therapy and husband homework.”

“What’s husband homework? Is that code for sex?” Rollins asked, popping a couple of nuts into her mouth.

“Aren’t you a riot?” he snarked. “From the therapist...just stuff to help us connect and whatnot. Some of it’s been helpful.” He furrowed his brow as she tossed another nut in her mouth. “Don’t eat those, Amanda...God knows what’s been touching them.”

“Don’t you daddy me,” she threatened, picking up a cashew and pointing it at him. “Personally, I think you should pack it up now and go home. Spend time with your family. Push your way back in and let your hubby know you love him and won’t let him cut you out.”

“Ah, fine.” Sonny finished up his beer and motioned for the bartender, then turned his head back to her. “Thanks for listening, ‘Manda.” He handed his credit card over, and they were quiet for a minute. “You know, I love him more now than I did when we got married. I can’t imagine not loving him. I just wish I still felt important to him, you know?”

She squeezed his arm. “If he knew that you felt that way, it would break his heart.”

“Maybe.” Taking his card back from the bartender, he shoved it in his wallet and smiled at her. “See ya tomorrow.”

***

“Papi.” Marley was standing over him, shaking his arm. “Wake up, Papi. I gotta get weady to go see Grammy!”

“Right.” He tried to rub the sleep from his eyes as he sat up. “What time is it, mija?”

“Um...I’m not sure...afternoon time? Daddy talled your phone and said to wake you up. He’s gonna be home soon, he said.”

“Shit,” he mumbled, stretching. “Go pull your bag out and I’ll be there in just a minute, okay?” She nodded and hurried back down the hall. Suddenly processing what she just said, he yelled, “And don’t answer my phone again!”

He hadn’t meant to fall asleep like that, but he’d been working a case with Bayard Ellis this week that had taken just about all of his extra time. He was working while Marley was in school and was right back at it as soon as she went to bed each evening. He and Sonny had hardly had a private conversation this week, but he almost wondered if Sonny wasn’t happier. Sonny had been home earlier most of the week and been able to spend more time with Marley. He’d been smiling more. Despite the fact they’d had no therapy and no husband homework, and they hadn’t made out, never mind made love, Sonny seemed more content. Rafael almost hoped that was true. They’d agreed to keep their plans for Saturday night even though they didn’t have any homework. Sonny had reminded Rafael that he still had some viagra left, and since they hadn’t done it in about three weeks, it seemed time to try, one way or another. It hadn’t taken much to convince his husband. They both were tired of waiting.

He rounded the corner into Marley’s room just as she was zipping up her bag. “I took tare of it, Papi!” she told him proudly. “All packed and weady to go!”

“Um, let me check real quick,” he said, trying not to sound doubtful. He unzipped the bag as she stood over him, crossing her arms and tapping her foot, clearly annoyed. Pajamas, underwear, a shirt, some jeans, a couple books, and knuffle bunny--

“Here’s my socks!” she said, tossing him a pair.

He raised an eyebrow. “And your toothbrush?”

“It’s wight there, in the pocket,” she told him, and he wondered if he sounded that patronizing when he spoke to her.

He zipped the bag up. “Well, you did an excellent job,” he told her. “I have to say, I’m very impressed, Marlene Elizabeth. Packing your bag may become YOUR job from now on, and I’ll just check it when you’re done.”

She made a face. “Hey! No fair! I only did it to help you, not ‘tause I WANNA do it all the time! You should be up in time to help, and don’t trick your baby girl. I’m not proud of you when you’re tricky, Papi.”

He smirked at her. “That’s okay,” he teased, tugging a braid. “I’m proud enough of myself for the both of us. Now let’s get your bag and go meet Grammy downstairs.”

Marlene grabbed the handle of her bag, sighing heavily. “Being your tid wears me out sometimes, you know that?” she grumbled, and followed him through the condo and out the door.

***

  
  


Rafael was sucking firmly, drooling heavily, and enjoying the feel of Sonny's hands in his hair. “Oh yeah, that’s good, baby,” Sonny moaned, guiding his head back and forth. “This pill is a wonder, isn’t it?” he chuckled, low. “God I’m hard. So good. Gonna fuck you senseless tonight...put you right on my cock and bounce you, hard, just like you like. Mmm, that’s right, take it down…” He thrust again, deeply, and heard Rafael gag and gurgle on him.

Rafael pulled off for a minute, gasping, but continued to pump Sonny with his fist. Catching his breath, he took Sonny down again, allowing Sonny to direct him with his hand. He had no desire to talk, especially when Sonny was doing such a good job of it. Sonny’s mouth was filthy, and Rafael felt himself growing heavier and harder at the words spewed at him. “God, yeah, you’re so good at sucking dick, aren’t you? That mouth of yours, so many talents with that beautiful mouth. Oh baby,” he babbled on, “my sweet little cockslut. Suck it just like that. God I’ve missed this. Can’t wait to flip you over, to fuck you. Gonna feel so good, bangin’ that tight ass of yours. You ready for it, hmm?” He held Rafael still at the base of his cock for several seconds. 

Rafael felt his eyes beginning to tear at the lack of oxygen. He heard Sonny above him, saying something about him loving it, about banging him, but it was getting harder to focus. He tried to pull back, but Sonny’s grip kept him from moving, so he tapped twice against Sonny’s thigh, their signal to stop. 

“You want to stop, baby? I thought you were better than this.” He held on for another second or two, then let go, and felt Rafael pull completely off, gasping for air. A seed of heavy annoyance rattled in Sonny’s chest. He didn’t know where the feeling was coming from or why, but for the first time, he looked at his husband, still gasping for breath, and had the impulse to slap him. 

“Next time,” Rafael pushed out, slowly regaining his regular breathing, “can you let go immediately? I couldn’t breathe.”

Sonny watched Rafael looking at him with a mix of desire and frustration, and he fought back the urge he was having once again to level a slap across his husband’s face; to cross a line he wasn’t sure he was ever okay with, even when they roleplayed like this. But he’d given everything he could over the last few months, supporting this man--changes to their routine, changes in their jobs and relationships, even in their budget. He’d done it without complaint. He’d been a  _ good  _ husband. To the point that he’d even lost his ability to perform in bed. Sonny felt his fingers curling around the sheet in anger. All he’d asked from Rafael is a freaking blowjob. And he couldn’t handle a bit of discomfort for a few seconds. Maybe he deserved a slap, after all. He certainly sucked as a sub.

“Did you hear me?” Rafael said again. “Maybe we should stop.”

Sonny suddenly realized the course of his thoughts and how crazy they felt. “We need to stop,” he said firmly, pulling his legs away and getting out of the bed. He began to pull his clothes back on quickly, not sure what he was going to do or why, especially since he still had an erection.

“Sonny,” Rafael said sharply, sitting up on the bed, “what the hell is going on?”

“I’m fucking furious with you, that’s what,” he said angrily, finally letting out what he’d been sitting on for all these months. “I’ve done everything around here that I can to make you happy, but you don’t see me. Everything to support you. And the better you get, the happier you are, the more I clearly don’t matter. It’s all about you--I’m invisible. To the point that I’ve even lost my ability to fuck, Rafael. I finally get the ability to do that tonight and you can’t even blow me--”

“Are you kidding?” Rafael asked, sounding shocked. “I couldn’t breathe, Sonny!”

“Right.” He yanked his shirt on, over his head.

“And what do you mean, it’s all about me? We’ve talked about everything every step of the way...I thought we were in agreement with everything...we’ve even talked about this in therapy!” Rafael’s eyes were wide and the pitch of his voice was growing increasingly higher.

“What do I mean? What do I MEAN?” Sonny yelled, waving his arms in the air. “I mean you’ve completely cut me out! Apparently, getting better for you meant getting me relegated to a tiny little corner of your life. You clearly don’t need me any more for anything other than an occasional lay--you’re so happy being a fucking househusband that the husband part could completely disappear and you’d never even know. I’m pretty sure THAT’S why my dick has decided to suspend proceedings for now...because IT knows the rest of me could disappear and it wouldn’t matter to you. And the fact I have to TELL you this?” He shook his head. “Please.”

“You’re fucking nuts tonight, you know that?” Rafael snapped, crossing his arms. “You know I love you! You’re everything to me and I have never done ANYTHING without running it by you first. I’ve never seen you as anything but my husband and partner! I’m sorry I’m making it look easy, because it sure as hell doesn’t feel that way. I think about you every day, at least fifty times...what you’re doing, what you’re thinking...if you’re in danger, if you’re safe, if I’ve told you I love you enough that you’ll never doubt it if you don’t make it home…” His voice choked on tears as the thought of losing his husband and his marriage became all too real.

“Stop crying,” Sonny commanded sharply, trying to keep himself stoically under control. “Stop it or I’m gonna start crying.”

Rafael sniffled. “Maybe you need to cry.”

Sonny shook his head, but it was too late. The tears had already formed. He sank down on the bed next to Rafael and began to cry in earnest, just in time to hear Rafael do the same. They both cried for several minutes, until Rafael got up and grabbed a roll of toilet paper. He sat back on the bed and set the roll in between them, and they each took some as needed, dabbing their eyes and blowing their noses. 

Rafael was still completely naked and Sonny had on his shirt but nothing else, and Rafael finally motioned to Sonny’s crotch. “Well, I guess you at least get your money’s worth with that pill, huh?” he sniffled, and Sonny snorted. His erection had lessened slightly, but still was clearly present. They both laughed quietly. “Can I at least help you get rid of the hard on?” Rafael asked, running his finger over the head. It was warm and red, with a small bit of precum running down the side. “It’s gotta be uncomfortable to wait until it just goes away, like…” They both glanced down at Rafael’s cock, which had withered considerably without attention.

Sonny lay his head on Rafael’s shoulder. “I guess. Otherwise I’m stuck with it for four hours. But can we do something other than oral? I was having angry thoughts.”

“Yeah, me too.” Rafael reached over to Sonny’s thigh and stroked it. “I love you, soleado. I’m sorry I’ve somehow fucked this up...I really thought I’d done better.”

Sonny shook his head. “I think I’ve just been afraid to say it...that if I did and you confirmed it, it would kill me...I love you too, Rafael. So much, baby.”

Sonny leaned over and kissed Rafael gently, until Rafael caught his face and pulled him in for a deeper kiss. A few minutes later, they were naked again on the bed, and Rafael’s hand was stroking Sonny’s cock firmly. “This okay?” he asked softly, “or do you want to fuck? Whatever you want, soleado. I want that for you.”

Sonny nodded. “I want to be inside you. Who knows when I’ll have another one, so…”

Rafael kissed him again before leaning over to open the nightstand drawer and grab the lube. “Here, babe...you prep me?”

Sonny kissed his eyelids before pouring a little lube on his fingers. “Let me know if it’s uncomfortable…” His finger slid gently inside of Rafael, and he felt a shot of desire as Rafael’s eyelids fluttered. “You know, you’re still the sexiest man I’ve ever known,” Sonny told him as he started to slide in a second finger. “We’ve been married for seven years and I don’t want anyone else, Rafi. Even when things are difficult, the only man I want is you.” He scissored his fingers, and began to add a third.

Rafael moaned loudly. Sonny had forgotten how loud his husband could be when they were alone, and he couldn’t help but smile. He thought about how much he loved this man; that was part of the struggle he’d had in expressing his frustrations. He never wanted to hurt Rafael. And now, as he was prepping him, he wanted to make sure he felt as good as he could. He gently scissored his fingers, then moved them around until he found Rafael’s prostate and began to massage.

“Oh Sonny,” Rafael’s eyes closed and his body shuddered. “Oh God, yes that’s so good.”

“I love you, Rafi. I want you to feel good.” He kissed Rafael gently.

Rafael’s eyes opened and he stared into Sonny’s. “I feel the same about you, soleado,” he said softly, and his eyelids fluttered in pleasure once more. “I love you. I’ll do whatever we need to do to fix this. You’re my husband…” His eyelids fluttered again before closing and Rafael gritted out, “I’m ready...I’m so ready for you, Sonny. Please.”

Sonny lubed himself up heavily before warming some in his hand and lubing Rafael again. “Turn on your side,” Sonny directed, and Rafael did as Sonny pressed his body against Rafael’s back. Sonny lined himself up, pushing in, and Rafael exhaled heavily. “Okay?” Sonny asked quietly, and Rafael nodded. Sonny pushed forward again, slowly, until he bottomed out. Sonny began to gently thrust in and out, a slow, rocking rhythm, and Rafael sighed aloud in pleasure.

After a minute, Rafael leaned back, so his shoulders were resting on the pillows, and Sonny leaned his chest forward so they could kiss deeply and slowly. Their tongues tasted and caressed one another, and their hands began to stroke each other’s bodies. Sonny’s hands were fondling Rafael’s nipples, rolling and tweaking, and Rafael’s warm hands ran over every inch of Sonny’s back until he began to murmur Sonny’s name. “Sonny...love you...feel so good...fuck me so good, baby.” 

Sonny’s hand stroked Rafael’s hair, and he pressed kisses all over Rafael’s face as he thrust rhythmically. His hand moved to Rafael’s chest, stroking and tugging the hair there, and Rafael’s hand found its way to Sonny’s neck. He pulled Sonny close, kissing him repeatedly, as Sonny’s hand guided him to take his own cock in his fist. “There you go,” Sonny murmured, then clutched Rafael’s hip to thrust more deeply.

Sonny loved watching Rafael. He moved beautifully like this, twisted against Sonny’s body and one hand flying over his own cock. Sonny took in the soft sweaty sheen, the flush to his skin, the rise and fall of his husband’s chest. Rafael’s eyes were closed, and he was trying desperately to meet Sonny’s hips with his own. Ohe of his legs was stretched straight on the bed and the top leg was folded, foot on the mattress, allowing Sonny free access to every inch of him. “You close, baby?” Sonny asked, continuing to keep up his pace and holding back his own orgasm. 

“You,” Rafael gasped again, nodding toward him. “You come now. I’ll wait for you.” He slowed down his own hand. “Come on, baby. No more waiting. You first.”

Sonny rolled his head back, trying to keep himself from losing control for a second more. “Wanna come on you, Rafi...okay with that? I come on your chest?” At Rafael’s quick nod, Sonny stopped moving and pulled out.

“Ahh!” Rafael cried out at the sudden withdrawal.

“”You okay?”Sonny gasped, taking himself in hand and pumping quickly.

“Yes...yeah...come on,” Rafael urged him on, fisting himself faster again as he watched Sonny pull up on his knees. 

Sonny’s hand flew over himself in a flurry. “Open your mouth...baby...yes,” he moaned loudly as he came, shooting spurts of semen all over Rafael’s chest and face. Rafael masturbated furiously, mouth open and eyes closed, until Sonny’s hand clasped his wrist and he heard, “Stop...stop…”

“Sonny…” he moaned, incredibly close, and he felt himself surrounded by wet warmth and sweet, sweet pressure. He thrust upward into Sonny’s mouth once, twice, and his hand reached for Sonny’s hair as he arched and thrust one final time and came.

Rafael shuddered under him, making a high pitched whine. Sonny pulled off and used his hand to milk the rest of his husband’s orgasm, watching as he writhed on the bed covered in Sonny’s cum. Sonny had never seen anything sexier in his life, and a minute later he was on top of Rafael, rubbing their bodies together and kissing his husband deeply.

“You’re everything to me,” Rafael murmured into Sonny’s ear, holding on to him tightly. “I’ve never loved anyone like this before, and I never will again.”

Sonny rested his head against Rafael’s chest, breathing in the scent of sweat and sex. “Keep saying that,” Sonny whispered back, nuzzling into his neck. “I need to believe it’s the truth.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there and thanks for reading!
> 
> I wanted to quickly address Sonny's impulses to slap Rafael. I felt, when writing this, that he would probably feel so desperate and frustrated in that moment that he'd have the impulse. To deny that would be less than authentic to this character. He's not happy with his impulses, and they kind of scare him a bit, but obviously he's going to have to do some more thinking at some point about how much he wants to indulge in dom/sub play and what he's comfortable with. This is something that will probably come back up soon for the two of them, for some negotiation and resolution.
> 
> I have really enjoyed your comments and look forward to more. Kudos and comments are amazing--thank you for spending your time leaving them!


	7. Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You both actually have very strong negotiation skills, and it’s clear you have a real respect for one another,” Renata observed. “I’m wondering if you remembered to make and bring your lists of three things you love or appreciate about one another.” Seeing their nods and rustling through pockets, she waited patiently as they both pulled out slips of paper.
> 
> “Rafael, why don’t you start us off?” she suggested, and she watched as he took a deep breath.
> 
> ****
> 
> Renata's back, and the husbands are making more progress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> We're making progress here, and heading toward the end of this arc. I'm thinking we have one to two more chapters, in all likelihood, now that Sonny's having more (ahem) success.
> 
> Comments and kudos are my jam! If you can, take a minute and leave me some feedback! Thanks!

“It sounds like Saturday was a bit of a challenge,” Renata summarized after Sonny finished explaining what had happened on their last date night. “How is everyone feeling now?”

“Positive,” Sonny reflected, squeezing Rafael’s hand. “I mean, we clearly have work to do. I’ve got to work on my depression, and on communicating more directly with Rafi. I’ve gotta be willing to tell him things that are uncomfortable, if I want them to change, and I have to accept the fact that I may not like the answer, but that he loves me and isn’t going to try to hurt me.” He paused for a moment, stroking his husband’s hand. “That’s the hardest part for me, I think...to tell him what I’m thinking, because I’m afraid he’s going to confirm the worst.”

“And yet, in this case, the worst wasn’t anywhere near the truth,” Rafael supplied, turning his head to look Sonny in the eye. “I had no idea you felt so left out, so excluded. I mean, I knew you were busy and away from home, but I didn’t know you felt like we had just moved happily along without you. You’re my only love, Sonny. I could never do that. Not happily, anyway.”

Sonny continued to hold the hand on his thigh. “I’m so ashamed that I had the impulse to hit him, to slap him. I’ve never felt that angry at him before. I’m not a violent kind of guy, and it’s embarrassing that I wanted to do that. It’s disturbing…” He dropped his sentence.

After a moment, Renata asked, “Have you asked Rafael how he feels about it?”

Sonny shook his head, then tilted toward his husband. “How’d you feel about it?”

“Well, I wasn’t thrilled,” Rafael confessed, “but we were also in the middle of roleplay at the time, and you were the dominant one...I guess I just kind of wondered if it might have been part of that.”

“Have you two negotiated boundaries for this kind of roleplay?” Renata asked, and Sonny could feel his cheeks burning. He didn’t want to look at the woman. It felt too much like talking to his mom.

“We have,” Rafael spoke up, “although face slapping isn’t something either of us has been interested in, so it’s not really come up before. Personally, I’d prefer not to be slapped unless it was a really, really big thrill for him, but that’s just me.”

It was quiet again, until Renata finally said, “And Sonny? How do you feel about it?”

He cleared his throat and said, “It’s a hard no for me, both hitting and being hit.”

“You both actually have very strong negotiation skills, and it’s clear you have a real respect for one another,” Renata observed. “I’m wondering if you remembered to make and bring your lists of three things you love or appreciate about one another.” Seeing their nods and rustling through pockets, she waited patiently as they both pulled out slips of paper.

“Rafael, why don’t you start us off?” she suggested, and she watched as he took a deep breath.

“All right. One, I love your heart. Your compassion, your sweetness, your faith, and your ability to love...I consider all those things your heart, and they really make up a huge part of you. Two, I love your loyalty. Once you’ve committed yourself, you will go to the ends of the earth to make something happen. There’s no giving up for you. And three, I love how committed to family you are. I love how our family...both our nuclear family and your extended family...are so important to you. When they came up with the term family man, they were describing my Dominick here.”

Sonny couldn’t help but grin proudly at the attributes Rafael had mentioned. “I can’t believe you said all those...that’s so sweet,” he said, bumping Rafael.

“Well, how about yours?” Rafael asked, and Renata nodded, so he started.

“Uh, number one. Your passion. You invest a hundred and fifty percent into things you’re passionate about, and you believe in them completely. There’s nothing like watching you in a courtroom, because you wear that passion on your sleeve and it’s like you’re on fire.” Glancing at Rafael and seeing him smile, Sonny continued. “Number two is your intelligence. You are truly one of the smartest guys I’ve ever known, and you use it for good. You don’t just sit around and brag on it, you’re useful with it. And finally number three, it’d be your trust. You don’t give your trust to just anybody. People gotta earn it, and they gotta work hard for that to happen. But once they get it, you treat them as though they’re gold, and they never, ever want to lose it.” He looked up from his paper. “It was hard to stop at three.”

“I’m glad to hear that. Did either of you hear anything that surprised you?”

“The loyalty thing,” Sonny said. “It’s true but I was surprised he realized it.”

“That’s how I felt about what you said about trust,” Rafael told him. “It’s hard won, true, but you have mine, and that means you’re incredibly special.” Rafael leaned over to kiss his husband gently, but Sonny froze awkwardly with Renata in the room.

“Sorry,” he whispered, and Rafael smiled and gently kissed his cheek.

“So next week,” Renata said, “you’re going to write three things about yourself that you want your spouse to feel proud of, or to love you for.”

“I’m writing this down,” Rafael mumbled to himself. “I’ll get it confused.”

“So Sonny,” Renata began again, “you mentioned that you’ve realized you’re struggling with some depression, and I’m wondering if you’ve tried any anti-depressants before.”

Sonny sighed. “A few years back, I was on one, but I didn’t want to go back on it right now because I’m already struggling with sexual dysfunction, and my understanding is those things are notorious for killing libido and stuff, aren’t they?”

“Some can,” Renata concurred. “But there’s a couple that we know don’t, and they may be worth talking to your doctor about. You realize that depression can also cause sexual problems, right?”

He nodded. “I’ve been trying St. John’s Wort to see if it would help, but I’m not noticing any improvement--”

She flipped through her notes quickly. “Did you mention this before? I don’t think I have it down...that can also cause sexual dysfunction. I’d suggest you get off of that right away. I can refer you to a psychiatrist who can help you. A good one to try is Wellbutrin. It’ll help boost mood without inhibiting sexual function. It does take a month or so to really start working, and you can’t start it until the St. John’s Wort is out of your system. If you call and make an appointment, by the time you get in your system should be clear and ready to start something different. Are you willing to try that?”

He nodded enthusiastically. “Sure, if you think it’ll help.” He was quiet for a minute as she jotted something down. “Is there any other, uh, homework this week?”

“He wants to know if he’s gonna get laid,” Rafael teased, and Sonny pinched his arm.

Renata chuckled. “Well, it seems that you all jumped ahead in the curriculum, so the answer to that is yes. But this week, when you make love, the first thirty to forty-five minutes should be touching and caressing in ways and places that we’ve been practicing. Your partner’s special unexpected erogenous zones, with varying touches. And if an erection doesn’t appear, you should continue to the hour mark using any kind of touch that pleasures one another. The goal, remember, is NOT orgasm. The goal is to enjoy your time together, to feel intimate, to feel loved. Understand?”

“I’m guessing no little blue pill this week,” Sonny said.

“Not for husband homework. If you use it at another time in the week, that’s up to you. But remember, the point of husband homework is learning how to enjoy each other’s bodies without viagra.”

“Got it,” Sonny told her, and Rafael nodded. He had the feeling it was going to be a great week either way.

***

“Guess what?” Rafael asked Marley, trying to act as excited as possible, “You get to stay with Auntie Bella and Uncle Tommy and Rosie tonight!”

She stopped packing her bag and turned around to look at him. “Huh? I’m s’posed to go to Grammy and Grampy’s, Papi.”

“I know,” he explained, “but Grammy and Grampy had something they needed to do tonight, so Auntie Bella said you can come play with Rosie. Cool, huh?”

She eyed him skeptically. “Wosie tries to take my knuffle bunny. An’ she wicks my face.”

He started laughing. “She what?”

“She wicks my face, Papi.” Marley scrunched up her face and wiped her cheek as though there were currently saliva on it. “She says she wikes me and then she wicks my face!”

He shook his head, still chuckling. “You can tell her not to do that, you know. And if it’s a problem to share knuffle bunny, then maybe you should leave him at home this time.”

She held knuffle bunny in her hand, examining him, then tossed him on the bed. “Tan I stay here with you an’ Daddy?”

“Uh, no. You know that. It’s husband homework night.” He tucked a clean pair of socks in her bag.

“But I’m a good helper, Papi! I tan help you and Daddy be better husbands! Wanna see? Ask me a homework question. I’ll show you.”

He rolled his eyes. “Okay. I’m supposed to write down three things I want Daddy to love about me.”

She made a face. “Daddy already woves you, silly!”

He folded her jeans and stuck them in her bag. “Well, that’s the homework assignment.”

“Daddy woves you tause you are nice. And tause you are sweet and you wisten to his words, and tause you waugh at his jokes even when they’re not so funny. And he woves you tause you are smart and tause you have green eyes and tause you take a bath.”

He chuckled. “A bath, huh? That’s what sealed the deal?”

“Uh-huh,” she confirmed, nodding. “But also tause you have tool suits. Daddy wikes your suits. And when you brush your teeth, tause he wikes to tiss you. He wikes minty-fresh.”

This conversation was interesting. “You seem to know a lot about what you think Daddy loves about me. Anything else?”

“Yes,” she said, and rolled her eyes back at him. “He woves you tause you’re powite. And also tause you’re handsome, wike Prince Charming. Oh! And he weally, weally wikes how you spray the air stuff in the bathroom when you’re done. He says that all the time!”

Rafael snorted. “Well, one day you will find it’s the little things that make or break a marriage, my dear. Is there anything special you want to take to Rosie’s?”

She pouted. “I tan’t stay here? I just did your homework!”

“Sorry Charlie,” he told her, “but you’ve got a date with your cousin.”

She crossed her arms. “Otay, but I’m not tissing on this date! And no wicking, either.”

“I think I can agree to those terms,” he chuckled. “No kissing or licking at Rosie’s. I hope you’ll keep that rule for every date you have, especially first ones.”

She looked at him skeptically again. “Are you tryin’ to be funny? Tause I don’t understand your joke but you’re still laughin’.”

“Sorry,” he told her, biting the inside of his cheek to keep from losing it. “Sometimes you’re just about the cutest thing I’ve ever come across and I can’t control myself.”

“I know, Papi, but you need to teep tryin’.” She hugged him. “I know I’m so tute but it’s a wittle wude to waugh at me. But I forgive you, tause you’re a good papi. Usually.”

He pressed his forehead to her shoulder, trying desperately not to laugh harder. “God help me, I’m so sorry. You are perfection, mija. Te amo, estrellita.” (I love you, little star.)

She patted his back. “Te amo also, Papi. Wots and wots and wots.”

***

They were naked in bed, touching and stroking and enjoying each other, and Rafael sighed. “You know, I’m starting to look forward to times where we’re just touching each other, not aiming for happy endings. I’ve discovered I really just love your hands all over me.” Sonny picked up his hand and kissed each finger slowly, then went back to suck each individually, and Rafael shivered. “Ooh, Dominick, that’s a good one,” he murmured.

“Mmhmm.” He let the hand go, and began to kiss and nibble on Rafael’s shoulder. “I love the taste of your skin.”

Rafael chuckled. “After my bath, huh?”

Sonny looked at him, confused, and smiled. “What are you talking about?”

Rafael shook his head, still chuckling. “Marley told me you love me because I bathe.”

Sonny laughed. “Well, she’s right about that. I like a clean gay.” He nipped at Rafael’s neck, then laved over it with his tongue. “You do realize I left a big thing off my list for Renata, don’t you?”

“Mmm,” Rafael hummed, relishing in the feel of Sonny’s mouth on him, “what’s that?”

“What a sexy fuck you are,” Sonny replied, rolling a nipple between two fingers. “I used to get hard just thinking about you strutting in the courtroom, back in the day. I can’t tell you how many times I jerked myself off, picturing you doing the same. And when I finally got you naked? One of those rare times in life where reality is better than fantasy.” He leaned down and sucked the nipple into his mouth, listening to his husband sigh again.

“Well, sex has always been something we’ve thoroughly enjoyed, I think,” Rafael commented, running his palms slowly over Sonny’s ass and up his back. The feel of his skin was warm and satisfying, smooth under his hands, and he loved touching him like this. 

“You’re the best lover I’ve ever had,” Sonny said, relaxing under Rafael’s touch. “Not only that, you’re my partner, my husband, my life, my soul. The sex is amazing because our love is amazing.”

“Sonny.” Rafael’s hands caught his face, thumbs gently stroking his cheeks. “You take my breath away. Not just sexually, but in every way. I know tonight won’t be a problem--” he nodded down toward Sonny’s erection that was jutting into his leg “--but no matter what, I just want you to know that I’m madly in love with you. Of course sex matters, but if we could only touch each other like this, and never fuck again...I’d still choose you a million times over. You’re all I’ve ever wanted. I’m so much better with you.”

Sonny brushed his lips gently across Rafael’s. “Has it been forty-five minutes yet? Because one of us needs to be in the other one, like now. Do you want to top or bottom? I’m flexible. I’ll do whatever you want. I’ll--”

Rafael kissed him again, deeply, passionately, until they were both out of breath. “Get the lube and stop talking so much...you’ve got a beautiful dick just waiting for me. Don’t waste it.”

“Never wasted on you and that plush peach of an ass of yours,” Sonny murmured, sliding himself down and nipping Rafael’s belly until he was laughing in response. Sonny tugged at the navel ring with his teeth. “You gonna face me or roll over? What’s your preference, lover boy?”

“My  _ preference  _ would be that you put your fingers to work now loosening me up,” Rafael snarked, and Sonny grinned at him.

“Now that’s the husband I know and love,” Sonny teased, warming the lube with his fingers, then slicking Rafael’s entrance. “Get ready to get loose.”


	8. Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny got back in his seat across from Rafael and they both read the paper. “Sexy Bingo?” Sonny said aloud, glancing at Rafael, who was already snickering over some of the choices on the card.
> 
> “Now please remember, you shouldn’t do anything that is going to get you arrested. So for instance, when the card says to sexily touch your partner in a public place, it doesn’t mean grab your partner’s junk in the walmart checkout line. By now, you both should have identified a variety of sensual places on the body that aren’t in the genital region. You might rub your partner’s earlobe, or squeeze his shoulder, or kiss a wrist. Understand?”
> 
> “Man,” Rafael grumbled, “take all the fun out of it!”
> 
> Sonny started laughing. “This says to identify a famous character and read a dirty story written by a fan...oh, even better! Write a dirty story about the character and share it online! Is this really foreplay? Who does this stuff?”
> 
> ****
> 
> Yeah! Who does this stuff???
> 
> The husbands make great strides in therapy, as well as their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I'm sorry it's taken me a few days to get this finished and up. Hopefully it's worth it.
> 
> This arc is finishing up, with maybe one to two chapters left. Big thanks to everyone who has read along, kudo'd, and commented. I really appreciate it!
> 
> I love this fam and there will be more of them in the future!

They were on Renata’s loveseat, turned to face each other this time, both feeling awkward and self-conscious. Both were smirking at the other, and Rafael was drumming his fingers on the back of the furniture while Sonny was shaking his foot nonstop.

“So,” Renata began, “who would like to go first?”

Silence met her as an answer. After a few seconds, though, Sonny cleared his throat. “Ahm...uh, ok...I’ll go first. Somebody needs to,” he mumbled, straightening his paper out.

Rafael laughed awkwardly, and Sonny grinned at him. “You ready to listen up, Barba, or what?” he teased, both of them giggling like they were ten years old, as Renata sat quietly, waiting for them to finish.

“Okay, uh. Three things I want Rafael to appreciate about me. The first is my intelligence.”

Before Sonny could go any further, Rafael announced, “I know how smart you are, Sonny...do you think I don’t? Have I come across as though I don’t appreciate your intelligence? I know I used to tease you, but that was more because you were new than anything else--”

“That’s enough,” Renata interrupted. “I want to remind you again of the rules here. Sonny is going to share the three things he wants you to love about him, and then we’ll discuss it. You’re going to need to be actively listening and tell him what he said, so you might want to be listening instead of coming up with an argument about how you already do that. Got it?”

“Yes,” Rafael said, rolling his eyes. “Fine. I’m listening. He said he wishes that I loved his intelligence.”

“Actually,” Sonny said, raising one eyebrow, “I said ‘Three things I want Rafael to appreciate about me, and the first is my intelligence.”

“Good, Sonny,” Renata encouraged him, “tell us the second.”

Sonny looked down at his paper. “Uh, the second is my faith.”

Renata nodded. “And the third?”

“I think the third is I want him to appreciate how much I’ve developed as a lawyer. I mean, I’ve changed a lot, and I think I’d be a good lawyer...but I don’t think Rafael thinks that.” He glanced over at his husband, whose eyes were wide and staring at him, as though he were biting his tongue, and Sonny suddenly wished he hadn’t said anything at all.

“Do I get to talk now?” Rafael asked, shaking his foot nervously. “I have words to say.”

Renata smiled. “What are the three things you heard Sonny say he’d like for you to appreciate about him?”

“Intelligence, faith, and lawyering...but here’s the thing, Sonny...I  _ do  _ appreciate your lawyer skills! You are going to have a terrific career in that, whenever you’re ready. You’ve just talked like you weren’t ready to move forward, and I haven’t said anything because I didn’t want to push you...I didn’t want you thinking that I expected you to move on MY timetable instead of your own. Why, are you thinking you want to move to the DA’s office?”

Sonny shrugged. “I’ve thought about it, and yeah, when I’m ready, I’d love to hear more about what you think I’m talented at. And I already know you think I’m intelligent. The only one of these three that I wish you loved a little more about me, really, is my faith.” He turned to Renata. “Did I do this wrong? Was I supposed to pick only things I didn’t think he loved?”

“Nope,” she answered, “you’re allowed to pick any three things you want him to appreciate or love about you. Generally, a couple of those things he probably already does love about you, and one or two he might not, or might not realize how important they are, as you’re mentioning now. What about your faith would you like Rafael to appreciate more?”

Sonny sighed. “I guess what a huge part of my life it’s always been. I mean, I know his relationship with the church was broken when he was a teenager, and it’s never really been repaired. He’s humored me throughout our relationship by attending family events in the church, and getting married by a church officiant, even baptising our daughter. But he doesn’t understand how important it is to me, how much I feel out of step if I’ve missed a confession or more than one week of mass. And part of me is worried, really worried, that we’re depriving Marley of something she needs in THIS world, never mind the next.”

Rafael looked as though he were considering some things he hadn’t thought of previously, and Sonny exhaled nervously. Renata spoke quietly. “Rafael? Do you have anything you’d like to respond with?”

Rafael shook his head. “No, not right now. I think I need...I think I need to think about this a bit.” Turning toward Sonny, he said, “I know how important your faith is to you...or at least I thought I knew. You know how I feel about it--people in the church are hypocritical and harmful. But I hear you saying it’s not like that for everyone. I have trouble picturing it being a wonderful place for anyone, because it was such a terrible place for me. Obviously, we’re gonna need to do more talking about all of this.” He paused, still sitting across from Sonny, and began to bite his bottom lip. “Is this a deal-breaker?”

Sonny reached across the space between them and took Rafael’s hand in his. “No, of course not. I don’t know what this is. It’s just something I wish you appreciated more about me, something I wish you acknowledged and loved about me, rather than just tolerating it, or having such disinterest, you know?”

Rafael nodded stiffly. “I think so.”

“Rafael,” Renata said to refocus them, “it’s your turn now. Three things you wish Sonny loved or appreciated about you.”

“Okay...the first one is how much time and effort I spend organizing things, especially since leaving the DA’s office, to make our lives easier. And I mean everything from our closets to how we do our shopping and errands. I know that sounds silly, but I spend a lot of time trying to streamline things so we can have more time together, and I wish he appreciated that.”

The room remained quiet, so he continued. “I, um, I wish he could appreciate my eye for pattern and color, and how I’ve brought that into our home and our wardrobes…” He fiddled with the paper nervously, and Renata cleared her throat.

“Rafael,” she said slowly, “that may be a talent of yours that you’d like to be appreciated for, but we’re talking about bigger areas of your marriage...things that are very important to you that Sonny is able to recognize and love you for. Can you think of one that you could share? Just one more.”

Rafael’s cheeks burned as he stared at his hands. Talking about this kind of thing was harder than anything he’d ever done. Laying out your vulnerabilities gets you hurt and costs you things, big things, he thought, and his eyes filled with tears once again. He took a breath but didn’t look up, and shakily confessed, “I wish he could appreciate how hard it is for me to be vulnerable, in any way. It has nothing to do with how much I love him. It has everything to do with how I was taught to survive.” His body trembled with the words, and he closed his eyes, trying to regain control.

A moment later he felt Sonny’s hands on his, Sonny’s lips pressing against his fingers, and Renata said, “That’s the most honest and courageous thing I’ve heard you say in here, Rafael. This shit in here isn’t for the weak. It’s painful and hard and it hurts like hell sometimes. I’m proud of both of you today. You both acknowledged some painful truths in your marriage, but that doesn’t mean we can’t continue to grow and heal. As long as you both want to continue to grow and heal your marriage, then that’s never out of reach.”

Sonny squeezed Rafael’s hands. “Well I’m in.”

“Me too,” Rafael whispered, squeezing back. “I’m in, and I’ll keep trying to trust more and be more vulnerable.”

“Next week,” Renata said, “I want you to come back with what your ideal marriage looks like. It may be a sentence or an entire paragraph, it’s up to you. And this week, you two get a surprise.” She pulled out two papers from her folder and handed it to them. 

Sonny got back in his seat across from Rafael and they both read the paper. “Sexy Bingo?” Sonny said aloud, glancing at Rafael, who was already snickering over some of the choices on the card.

“Now please remember, you shouldn’t do anything that is going to get you arrested. So for instance, when the card says to sexily touch your partner in a public place, it doesn’t mean grab your partner’s junk in the walmart checkout line. By now, you both should have identified a variety of sensual places on the body that aren’t in the genital region. You might rub your partner’s earlobe, or squeeze his shoulder, or kiss a wrist. Understand?”

“Man,” Rafael grumbled, “take all the fun out of it!”

Sonny started laughing. “This says to identify a famous character and read a dirty story written by a fan...oh, even better! Write a dirty story about the character and share it online! Is this really foreplay? Who does this stuff?”

“Remember,” Renata reminded him, “the idea is to increase your arousal toolbox. Not every idea is going to appeal to the two of you, but hopefully you’ll find five in a row that will. And the middle square is NOT free. That requires you to come up with a bit of teasing of your own.”

“You’re gonna make us talk about it too, aren’t you?” Sonny asked, and Rafael snickered this time.

“You bet,” she told him, grinning. “You should know by now we talk about everything in here.”

Sonny sighed. “I’m catching on.”

Rafael folded up his paper, then glanced at his therapist. “So am I.”

***

“You ready to pack your bag, mija?” Rafael followed Marley into her bedroom where her duffel bag was open on the bed and half-packed.

“I started some of it. I putted my pj’s in, and my panties. And here are my socks.” She tossed those into the bag.

“I was wondering,” he began, taking a seat on her bed, “how you feel about missing church.”

Marley’s face scrunched up. “Missing church? When?”

“Every Sunday. Now that you’re spending the night with your grandparents, you don’t get to go to church with Daddy on Sundays...I was wondering how you feel about that.”

She took a seat next to him and tapped her chin. “Well...I miss my daddy on Sunday morning ‘tause he’s here with you. And I sometimes miss my friends at church…”

“You have friends at church?” he asked, surprised. She’d never mentioned this before. “Who?”

She shrugged. “I don’t wemember their names, but it’s some tids.”

“Do you miss anything else?”

“Sometimes,” she said, and picked up knuffle bunny, stroking his ears. “Sometimes I miss God. But Daddy says if I pray and I wisten with my heart, then God will always hear me and sometimes he even talks back. Yeah, didja know that, Papi? Daddy says God will talk to your heart! I’m still practicin’ to hear him though.” She fiddled with knuffle bunny. “Daddy says that’s otay. It takes a wong time to hear him, sometimes.”

“Well, I’d agree about that,” he commented, thinking about how he’d never heard God speak in his life. “I guess my question is, if we should maybe see if you can spend Friday nights instead of Saturdays, so you can be here to go to mass with Daddy on Sunday mornings.”

“Abby would like that,” Marlene said, tossing knuffle bunny into her bag. “She’d WEALLY like that. She misses God when she tan’t go to mass. That’s what she told me, and she watches it on the TV in the morning. That way she doesn’t miss so much. Plus she says it’s good for me. I guess wike green beans.”

Rafael snorted. “Green beans, huh?” He crossed his arms. “Why didn’t Abby just tell me this herself?”

She shrugged again. “Tause she said she knows she made mistakes when you were a tid and...and she’s just tryin’ to support you now and fix it, uh, make stuff wight and she don’t wanna say you’re wrong ‘bout nothin’ tause she don’t want you to get upset with her tause...tause, um...tause you still blame her for Miguel. Whoever THAT is.” Seeing his wide eyes, she added, “She was talkin’ on the phone to her friend Bitsy. They talk on the phone every Saturday.”

“Great.” He stood up and grabbed a pair of her jeans, folded them, and tossed them in the bag. “Well, I will talk to Daddy, and we will change it to Fridays. And if you want to go to mass tomorrow with Abby, it’s fine with me. I’ll tell her. So make sure you pack your dress and tights and shoes, okay?”

“Otay Papi.” He started to leave the room, but she grabbed his shirt. “Hey Papi? Are you gonna be mad at Abby tause she told Bitsy that stuff? She just don’t want you to be upset is all. She woves us so much. She tells me so, every time.”

He knelt down. “No, mija, I’m not mad. I just need to learn to talk better with the people I love, apparently.”

She wrapped her arms around his neck. “You talk good to me, Papi. I wove you.”

“I love you too, mija. To the moon and back.”   


***

Rafael was slipping into his pajama pants when Sonny came up behind him and kissed him on the neck. “I just facetimed with one very excited five-year old who has a date with the good lord tomorrow.”

Rafael turned around and rested his hands on Sonny’s waist. “I had her pack an outfit for church, and told Mami it was fine for them to go. I’m going to work on this, Sonny...I can’t promise that I will ever be able to believe like you do, but I don’t want to hold anyone else back, and that includes Marlene.” He tugged on the bottom of Sonny’s shirt. “I talked with her this afternoon about it, and it’s clear she’s curious about church and misses that time with you. I don’t want to be what keeps her from having that relationship with God and the church...if it’s a meaningful one for her.”

“You’re a good dad,” Sonny told him, kissing him gently. “Thank you for reconsidering and thinking about me...about us. Your mom is also super thrilled, so there’s that, as well.”

“Oh goody,” he teased, running his fingers under Sonny’s shirt. “I live to make her happy, especially about this.”

“Mmm.” Sonny’s hands slid over his chest, and he nipped Rafael’s shoulder. “So what’s the plan for tonight? Are we playing bingo or going rogue and doing it with no directions?”

Rafael sighed. “I don’t know. You feel good. Can’t we just do this for a couple hours?”

Sonny chuckled, then tugged his husband over to the bed by the waistband of his pants. He reached inside the nightstand to pull out the bingo game Renata had given them. “Let’s see...we did the sexy shower, and the sexy texts. Speaking of, I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciated the photo you sent me at work yesterday.”

“Well, I wanted you to know I was up and thinking of you,” Rafael quipped, snickering at the memory of capturing his morning wood. “So what’s left?”

“Well, there’s telling each other a sexy fantasy, and then there’s slow-dancing in lingerie...and we get to make up one.”

“We kind of did the telling a fantasy one the other night, remember?” Rafael reminded him. “You told me all about what you were gonna do to me--”

Sonny rolled his eyes. “You were blowing me at the time, Raf.”

“So? I think it still counts, doesn’t it? I mean, it turned me on.” He tilted Sonny’s mouth toward his with one finger. “Then again, the things you say always turn me on...make me fucking hot…” He leaned in to press a kiss to Sonny’s lips, and Sonny welcomed him. They kissed, deep and lovingly, until Sonny finally came up for air. “I had an idea for the make up one...how about using part of a uniform for foreplay?”

Rafael had been leaning in, eyes still closed, until Sonny had spoken. Now he opened his eyes and looked confused. “What do you mean? Part of a uniform…?”

Sonny stood up and rifled through his dresser for a minute, then turned around with a nasty little smirk on his face, dangling handcuffs from his index finger. “I think someone would look stunning in silver bracelets...while I suck his cock. Thoughts?”

“Yeah,” Rafael returned, raising an eyebrow, “Someone’s gonna be mad as hell if you lose the keys.”

“Oh, come on, Rafi...that was what, six years ago? I can’t believe you’re still holding that against me.” Sonny climbed onto the bed next to Rafael. “Come on, lover, lay down and put your wrists at the headboard. Daddy’s gonna blow your mind.”

“The fact we refer to you as ‘daddy’ in this already does blow my mind,” Rafael grumbled as he climbed into position and rolled over. “Okay, ‘Daddy’, let me see what you’ve got.”

“Oh, don’t worry.” Sonny fastened the handcuffs one at a time, with a bar between so that Rafael couldn’t go anywhere. With the keys between his fingers, he held them up for his husband to see, then placed them on the nightstand. Gently, he rolled Rafael’s body over so that he was on his hip, then slapped his ass hard. “First rule, little boys always address me as Daddy. Got it?”

Rafael rolled his eyes, but he could already feel the blood pooling in his groin. “Okay,  _ Daddy. _ I’ve got it.”

Sonny slapped his ass again. “Next rule, little boys don’t speak unless Daddy asks them to. Entiendes?” He ran his hands over Rafael’s ass, squeezing, then pulled his boxers down to expose the flushed, warm skin. 

“Si,” Rafael responded, closing his eyes as he felt his husband removing the last piece of clothing he was wearing. “Yes.”

“Third rule: If anything hurts, or you’re uncomfortable with anything going on, you use the safeword right away. Remember our safeword, baby boy?”

“Yes,” Rafael murmured, “macaroni.”

“Ah, very good, my sweet listener.” Sonny reached up and massaged Rafael’s ass, using deep, slow strokes. “Beautiful. Your ass is a fucking masterpiece, baby. I love it.” Sonny squeezed one side, pulling it up and revealing Rafael’s hole, then leaned down and bit at the fleshy part of his cheek until he heard his husband gasping. He licked over the spot, then ran his tongue up and down the crevice. “Aw, let me guess...is your dick already weeping for me? Are you already hoping I’ll suck that baby down? God I love you...love how desperate you get.” Sonny gently mouthed kisses all over Rafael’s cheeks, then ran his tongue over his perineum and his balls, listening to his husband’s soft gasps and moans the whole while. Shifting back for a moment, he rearranged Rafael onto his back again, then stopped for a minute to admire his husband’s erection. Rafael was watching him through sleepy eyes, his cock resting heavy against his stomach. He was red and swollen, the tip shiny and dripping onto his belly. “Oh, this is a good look for you,” Sonny murmured, half a smile on his face. “Gorgeous, baby. You’re hungry to put that thing to use, aren’t you?”

Rafael whined softly in response, as Sonny’s index finger traced the precum off his belly. “Whatever you want from me,” he murmured, and Sonny laughed softly.

“Good boy.” He spread Rafael’s legs wide, then ran his fingers up and down his inner thighs, barely touching the skin. “So soft and sweet. Beautiful.” He ghosted his fingertips up to Rafael’s balls, then gently cupped one, rolling it, and slowly smiled as he watched Rafael’s dick twitch. “You like that? My hands on you?”

“Yes,” Rafael answered softly, then moaned as Sonny licked slowly from the base of his cock up to the head, then circled it.

“You’re gonna tell me what you want, ninito.” He let go of Rafael’s cock, then bit his thigh quickly as Rafael gasped. “Tell me, baby boy...what do you want?”

Rafael shook his head again. “Whatever you want me for…”

Sonny nipped his opposite thigh. “Daddy won’t ask again.”

Rafael shifted awkwardly. “I want you to suck my cock.” Sonny took it into his hand, mouth hovering above it for a moment.

“How? Give me directions of what you want.” He slid the head into his mouth and waited.

“Just…” Rafael tilted his hips up toward Sonny’s mouth. “Take it down and suck it...please.”

Sonny slid the shaft farther into his mouth, sucking lightly. If Rafael wasn’t going to give him much, he wasn’t going to put much into the return. Rafael gently thrust upward again, but Sonny made sure to continue to keep his suction light and consistent.

“Come on….please…” Rafael whined softly. “What do you want from me?”

Sonny let the cock in his mouth slide out. “I think the question is what you want FOR yourself. I’ll do what you tell me. But it’s about time you give me a little dirty talk back, don’t you think? You’ll get exactly what you ask for, baby.” He sat up between Rafael’s legs. “God, I’m horny. In the meantime, while you think about it, I’m gonna humor myself.” Rafael watched, mouth open, as Sonny turned on the TV and set it to stream their favorite gay porn channel, then reached into the nightstand and grabbed his favorite lube. He squeezed a large amount into his hand, then tossed the tube back onto the nightstand and began to stroke himself with it. “Oh yeah, I love this kind,” he said casually. Seeing Rafael staring at him, mouth still open, he added, “It’s the warming one. Your favorite too, right?” He sat on the bed, turning himself so that Rafael could see every stroke, then began to watch the movie. “Good God, look at that,” he murmured, slowly jacking himself. “I bet you’d love that, wouldn’t you, baby? Bent over and getting it that hard and fast? I can hear you right now, if I think about it. One of your favorite positions, especially with this warming lube. God, I love fucking you like that. Some of the best sex I’ve ever had...buried in your ass and fucking you halfway across the bed.”

Rafael sighed loudly. Sonny knew that talking dirty about himself was difficult, really difficult. He could talk about his husband’s dick all day long, but his own? That was embarrassing, and he’d fallen into the habit of letting Sonny take the lead in all of that. Clearly, Sonny missed his contributions, he was just now figuring out. “Yeah, we both know I love a good fast, deep fuck,  _ Daddy,” _ he said sarcastically. “I also love it when you blow me, take me deep and suck me hard...I’d love to fuck your face too,” he added, hoping he’d included enough that Sonny would at least start on him.

Sonny smirked at him. “You’re funny,” he teased, continuing to jack himself. “I’ve half a mind to jack off right here onto your face and leave you here, handcuffed, for the rest of the night as a punishment. You do realize sarcasm doesn’t sit well with Daddy, right?”

Rafael bit his lip, unsure. “You would not.”

Sonny smiled sweetly. “Wanna bet?” He climbed up the bed, then caged Rafael’s upper body with his own. His cock bobbed low, brushing against Rafael’s. “You’re not being a very good boy tonight, sweetheart.” He pinched one nipple, twisting it, then letting it go. “Tell me what I’m doing to your cock, now. Your last chance, baby, or you’re spending the night alone.”

Rafael sighed again, but when Sonny started to pull back, he said quickly, “Take it into your mouth and suck the head. Circle it and suck it for a minute, and then lick the shaft. Like an ice cream cone,” he added. “I like that.”

Sonny smirked at him one more time, then took the head into his mouth. Making eye contact with his husband, he ran his tongue in circles around it, then sucked firmly, tasting the precum that was now covering the head. Rafael sighed as Sonny let the head go and moved his tongue to the shaft, beginning to lick up and down. A few licks in he stopped. “I’d start giving instructions again soon if I were you,” he said, “unless you want to spend the night alone and cuffed with porn as your only companion.”

“Roll my balls, one at a time,” Rafael told him, “while you suck the head again. Then I want you to start to bob on me...take it up and down.” Sonny followed directions, and as he began to bob up and down, Rafael allowed himself a moan, and he thrust lightly in rhythm with Sonny’s sucking. “That’s good, so good, Daddy,” he moaned softly.

“You gonna be a good boy for me?” Sonny asked, pulling off suddenly and replacing his mouth with his fist. 

Rafael shuddered at the change of touch. “Yes, Daddy, yes...whatever you want…”

Sonny nipped his hip. “Gonna finger you while I suck you down, ninito...you like that, baby boy? Nice and full while I get you off?”

Rafael opened his eyes to see his husband smirking at him yet again, then swallowing half his dick in one quick motion. “Jesus, yes...yes, finger me. Please…” He watched Sonny bobbing quickly up and down, then glanced at the porn on the TV. His belly tightened in pleasure and he rolled his hips. “God, I wanna come, Daddy. Please…”

One finger, then the other, both lubed, gently made their way inside of him and began pumping in rhythm to Sonny’s sucking and bobbing back and forth. Rafael gave in to his body’s need to move, to follow Sonny’s lead. He didn’t realize he was quiet until Sonny suddenly pulled off again. “I don’t hear you, baby. You must not feel good. I must need to stop--”

“No!” he gasped. “So good, it’s so good…”

“ _ Daddy _ ,” Sonny interjected before going back down and sucking hard.

“Fuck,” Rafael hissed. “Oh God yes, Daddy...so good...you’re so good to me...gonna make me come hard, I know--”

Sonny began to scissor his fingers inside of Rafael’s ass as he sucked deep and hard on his cock. He could hear Rafael’s movements rattling the headboard and the handcuffs, and he suddenly realized he could hear Rafael babbling to himself in sheer pleasure.

“Wanna come so bad, gonna come so hard, Daddy, so close...I’m so close...love your mouth, Daddy...please, please make me come...I need it, need it so much, love you in my ass...please Daddy…”

Sonny thrust his fingers back and forth quickly as he sucked with full force, and he heard his husband cry out, arching fully into his mouth. “Fuck, Daddy...yes, God yes!” Sonny continued sucking until Rafael began to whimper, then he let him go. Quickly moving to straddle Rafael’s chest, he aimed for his husband’s mouth. 

“Open, baby...so close, c’mon…” Rafael obediently opened his mouth as Sonny continued jerking, then opened his eyes and tried to wrap his lips around the tip of Sonny’s cock. Sonny moved slightly forward, and Rafael encompassed the last couple inches, and swallowed just as Sonny came. “God yes, fuck….yes, baby…” As his orgasm ended, he pulled back and collapsed onto the bed next to Rafael, in utter bliss.

A few minutes later, Sonny roused himself and unfastened the handcuffs from his exhausted husband’s wrists. “You all right?” he asked as he gently rubbed Rafael’s wrists. “Once you decided to listen, you did a marvelous job, sweetheart.”

Rafael chuckled. “Are we still playing? I thought we were done.” He leaned over and kissed Sonny’s cheek. “Of all the shit to ask me to do,” he began, and Sonny was chuckling, too.

“But you were so good at it,” Sonny snuggled closer to his husband and turned off the TV. “I knew you could do it...you just needed a little encouragement.”

“Hmph.” Rafael pressed a kiss to Sonny’s forehead. “Do you ever think we’re...I don’t know...filthier than other couples? Kinky, dirty?”

Sonny grinned. “God, I hope so.” He stroked Rafael’s face. “I love having sex with you. I always have. And since we’ve been working on it...I think it’s better than it’s ever been.”

“Agreed. Even if I have to talk about what you’re gonna do to my dick.” Rafael winked at him, and Sonny kissed his cheek. 


	9. Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Rafael and Sonny share their ideas about an ideal marriage, they begin to put some changes into play in their lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! There will be an epilogue after this chapter, so we're winding this up. 
> 
> I know very, very little about Catholicism. Just want to send a shoutout to Italian Doll for answering a few questions about catholicism and children. If I ever get something factual wrong, please feel free to educate me!
> 
> Comments and kudos always rock!

“We’re going to let Rafael start this time,” Renata said, motioning toward Rafael. Once again, he was turned toward Sonny, shuffling the papers in his work binder nervously. 

Sonny was watching him with a mix of patience and amusement. “Just pretend you’re speaking in front of a jury,” Sonny leaned forward and whispered melodramatically, then gave him a thumbs up. Rafael wanted to kill him.

“Whenever you’re ready, Rafael,” Renata encouraged, and he cleared his throat.

“Growing up, my picture of an ideal marriage was one where the two people in it didn’t yell or hit each other, or anyone else. In fact, that was pretty much my definition of an ideal marriage for most of my life. Two people who basically got along okay, with no violence. I never thought about it deeper than that, because I never thought it would apply to me. I wanted to do my own thing, be my own man. I didn’t think I’d ever find anyone I felt connected to, certainly not in a way that would inspire me to consider marriage. But then I met you, and I got to know you, and I fell in love with you. And your sweetness, your passion, your focus, your commitment...all of the things I love you for, those are the things that I think should be in an ideal marriage. Because for me, my definition of an ideal marriage means I’m married to you.”

Sonny reached forward, taking Rafael’s hand in his. “I love you, Rafael. Forever and always, I’ll love you.” He pulled Rafael’s hand up to his mouth and placed a gentle kiss to it. “Can I read now?” he asked Renata, and at her nod, he shook out his paper. “I used to think an ideal marriage would be one where my partner understood me, where love conquered all, and we’d spend our lives happily loving one another. I’m starting to understand that in an ideal marriage, you have to have a partner who is willing to work with you to build that understanding, to build that foundation. Every marriage is going to have challenges, even ‘ideal’ ones, so it’s important to have a partner who wants to work together. My ideal marriage involves a spouse who is willing to work as hard as I am to understand the problems we have, why we have them, and how to fix them.” He squeezed Rafael’s hand gently. “I’m learning that I’m incredibly lucky to have the makings of an ideal marriage right here...you and me. I may not be as eloquent as you, I may not make things sound as pretty, but I hope you know that I see how hard you’ve worked with a problem that looked like it was only mine. I mean, we came here because I was having erection issues. But you’ve treated this as though it was an ‘us’ problem, not a ‘Sonny’ problem. I think in an ideal marriage, that’s what happens. Your partner works for a solution with you. And if you both are committed to that, there’s really very little you can’t solve together.”

Rafael squeezed Sonny’s hand back, wishing he could lean over and kiss his husband right in the moment. If there were anyone in this world who could handle his fear of vulnerability, it was Sonny. Sonny still saw him, still appreciated him, still loved him, despite his fears. 

And as Rafael stared lovingly at his husband, Sonny knew that every word Rafael had spoken was his truth, and as long as they kept talking, they weren’t in danger any more.

***

“Let’s go, mija! You still need to pack your bag. I can’t believe you’re sitting here eating yogurt!” Rafael tried to rush her, but Marlene was taking her own sweet time. Switching date night to Fridays was the right decision, he was sure, but they weren’t used to it, and there was a little bit of a time crunch.

“Papi!” she announced, “I am HUNGRY wight now! It’s my snack time! I’ll pack my bag as soon as I finish my snack, otay?” She shook her head. “Talm down, dude.”

He sat next to her then. “Put your spoon down and look at me, young lady.” His tone was sharp enough that she licked the yogurt off her spoon and laid it on the table fairly quickly. “Thank you. You do NOT call me ‘dude’, do you understand? That is disrespectful when your parent is giving you directions. I don’t want to hear it again.”

“Sorry, Papi.” She picked her spoon back up and took another bite. “I just was hungry and it feels wike you’re yellin’ at me.”

She was right, of course. Kindergarteners had lunch at eleven a.m., and no snack was provided in the afternoon. It was now closing in on four. He was just anxious that Deb would be there and they wouldn’t be ready. It was a silly thing to be anxious about, he reminded himself. Sonny would tell him it’s no big deal, his mom would wait for the extra five or ten minutes. But he hated the idea of inconveniencing anyone, especially when they were already doing him a favor…

“Is that wight, Papi?” she was asking now, and he had no idea what she was talking about.

“I’m sorry, honey...can you ask again?”

She nodded, taking her last bite of yogurt. “It’s otay for me to take some pretzels to my woom while we pack, wight?” She patted her stomach. “I’m still hungry. I’m growin’ today, I think.”

He smiled, trying to relax. “Sure, that’s fine. Grab what you need and meet me in your room.” He made his way down the hall, noticing her bag was on her bed when he entered the room. “Marley, did you already put your bag on your bed?” he called, unzipping it at the same time. It was already packed neatly, including knuffle bunny laying on top--a classic sign of Sonny’s handiwork. He smiled to himself.

“Wookit, Papi! Daddy must have packed it!” She was smiling, noticing the care that had gone into her bag. She reached in and grabbed knuffle bunny, giving the toy a hug. “I wove it when Daddy packs my bag. He does it so nice!” She lay the bunny back in the bag. “Ooh...wait…” Reaching deep inside, she came back out with a couple of Reese’s cups and started to giggle. “See?” she showed him. “Daddy always weaves me a special treat too, he says, tause I’m his sweet girl!”

Rafael chuckled. It didn’t surprise him in the slightest that this was a special routine between his husband and their daughter, and that he didn’t know about it. That’s just how Sonny was, doing special little things for the people around him to show his love. They heard the door open then, and Marley shoved the candy back in her bag. “I bet it’s Daddy!” she said in a whisper, more to herself than to Rafael, and zipped the bag back up before running from the room. A moment later Rafael heard the greeting that brought him a little happiness each evening: “Daddy! I misseded you!” Marley’s little voice traveled through the apartment, before Sonny’s followed after it.

“And I missed my girl! How are you, Marley Mae? I love you!”

Rafael tossed the duffel bag over his shoulder and wandered into the front room, where Marley and Sonny were sitting on the couch, talking. “Hey soleado,” he grinned, kissing his husband. “You made it home early today.”

“I know, right?” Sonny replied. “Liv gave me the opportunity and you better believe I took it. I thought if this munchkin got out of here soon enough we could catch a movie or something.”

“That sounds terrific,” Rafael agreed. “Weren’t we just talking the other day about trying to see a couple of independent films?”

“What?” Marley interrupted. “Wait a second, guys. I wike movies!”

“Yeah, I was checking on my way home, and I think there’s a good one that starts around six.” He lowered his eyes directly to Marlene. “It’s an adult movie...NOT for children.”

She crossed her arms and stomped her foot. “SO not fair, you guys!”

“I know, it’s SO hard to be the kid, isn’t it?” Rafael teased her, ruffling her hair. Looking at Sonny, he nodded. “I think that’s perfect. Isn’t your mom going to be here soon?”

Sonny nodded. “Any minute. You ready, dolly?”

Marlene’s arms stayed crossed. “I never get to do anything good.”

“You do now!” Rafael told her. “You’ll be back tomorrow and going with Daddy to mass on Sunday!”

“And here’s Grammy,” Sonny announced, as he returned a text to his mom. “She’s right downstairs. Let’s get you down there.”

“Dah-deee,” Marlene whined as he grabbed her duffel from Rafael, “I wanna stay here and see the movie.”

“Not this time,” Sonny answered, opening the door. “Kiss Papi goodbye and let’s go.”

“Pah-pii…” 

Rafael kissed her forehead and gave her a quick squeeze. “Another time, baby. I love you!”

Sonny winked at him as he shut the door, and Rafael listened to their daughter whine all the way to the elevator. 

Time for a movie, dinner, and great sex after...he couldn’t help but smile. For once, he didn’t feel sorry for Marlene in the slightest.

***

They made love that night.

He could count the number of times they’d made love on his hands, Rafael thought as Sonny moved inside him now, and they needed to make more time for it. They had sex a lot, and they fucked down and dirty enough that he considered there to be a difference, even between those two. But making love was different by far, and something they just didn’t usually take the time for.

And why, he wondered, when it felt so good to be needed, desired, longed for like this...to know the person you love more than anyone else is desperate for you too. Because vulnerability, he answered himself, allowing his hands to trace his husband with a slowness they rarely touched each other with these days. In moments like this, he allowed Sonny access to all of himself, to everything he held back from everyone else, and he knew Sonny did the same. The intimacy in these moments was deeper than any he’d ever felt.

There wasn’t laughing or teasing this time, no clever remarks or retorts; instead gentle caresses and soft, soft kisses that spoke of the delicacy of love. The need for us to be careful with it, lest we ruin it. Lest we scar it. Lest it breaks.

Their eyes stayed focused on one another, saying everything they weren’t saying out loud, and Rafael realized in those long, loving moments how much Sonny adored him. More than another. More than any other. Sonny’s lips brushed his lips, his fingers brushed his skin, he moved with the reverence and wonder of a lover who’s truly, completely in love.

“I love you, you know.” Rafael’s only words were soft, quiet, but truthful, and Sonny breathed them in, as necessary as air.

“I love you too,” Sonny murmured. “I always will.”

***

“So dolly,” Sonny asked as they dug into ice cream sundaes, “did you like Sunday School today?”

She nodded. “Uh huh! We were wearnin’ about Mary today. Didja know she was just a tid and the angel guy talked to her? He told her she was gonna be a momma. Do you think she was stared?”

“I don’t know,” he replied. He was loving the fact he had this time with his little girl. It seemed like ages since they’d had time alone, and this was just as precious to him as the time he spent alone with his husband, he was realizing. “Do you think she was scared?”

She nodded furiously. “She was just a tid and had to squeeze that baby out! I bet it hurt so much. I hope God doesn’t ask me to do somethin’ wike that. I might have to say no thank you!”

Sonny bit his lip to keep from bursting into laughter. “Mary was very special, that’s true. I think most people sometimes have trouble doing what God asks. But can you imagine if Mary had said no? What would have happened then?”

Marley put her spoon down and tapped her chin. “No Mary...no Jesus? Or else God would have to find another momma…”

Sonny took another bite of his ice cream. “But would it still have been Jesus if Mary wasn’t his mother?”

He watched her tilt her head and ponder the idea. It was this that he missed so much--the ability to watch her grow and express herself, the opportunity to know he was impacting her in important ways. “I think...I think it wouldn’t be Jesus with a different momma, would it, Daddy? I dunno.” She shook her head, then laughed. “This is makin’ my brain hurt!” She took another bite of ice cream. “Hey Daddy, do you think Papi tan go to mass with us sometime? Maybe?”

Sonny smiled at her. “Maybe, dolly. I think you should ask him, though. But we do need to respect his decision if he says no. Not everybody likes to go to church.”

Marley nodded. “I know. I get it. And Papi gotted his feelings hurt at church a wong time ago. But I’m glad we get to go together again! I wike goin’ with you, Daddy. I wove you so much.”

“Well, I love you so much too, Marley Mae. And it makes me very happy to know we’re going to do this again next Sunday!” Sonny squeezed her hand and winked at her.

“Uh-huh!” She nodded again. “A special Marwee and Daddy time! Unless Papi wants to go, and then it’ll be a special family time! It’s all good, wight Daddy?”

“Yes it is,” Sonny told her, feeling immensely blessed. “Really, really good.”


	10. Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renata smiled. “So are there any other things you think we need to work on, or should we start considering winding these sessions up and graduating you from therapy?”
> 
> Rafael made a face at Sonny. “Liv is right...you really do graduate from everything these days.”
> 
> Sonny grinned. “Is there cake involved? I could get behind cake.”
> 
> Renata reached into her pocket. “There’s a vending machine down the hall. I think there might be zingers or ding dongs in there.” She handed him a palmful of change. “If there’s any left, could you bring me a diet coke?”
> 
> “Sure,” Sonny told her, then headed out of the room.
> 
> ****
> 
> After some discussion with Renata, Sonny and Rafael decide they're ready to graduate couples therapy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello and thank you for reading!
> 
> This is the last chapter! I had thought there might be an epilogue, but I like where it ended, so I'm going to leave it there. 
> 
> Comments and kudos are always welcome and so appreciated! Enjoy!

Sonny watched Rafael race inside of the office waiting room from outside. He shook himself off, trying to brush away the wet snow covering his puffer coat. Sonny sat smirking, watching him, realizing Rafael hadn’t even noticed yet that he was in the office. 

Maybe he wasn’t the nicest guy, he thought, that he’d rather sit here watching his husband shake off, admiring his form, than help him. But that body of his...Sonny shook his head as he watched Rafael peeling off his coat and flexing his biceps. Glancing down, he noted the thick thighs he had experienced wrapped around him the other night. Gorgeous. He had a hard time imagining not finding Rafael’s body attractive even if he had been born straight as a pin. And of course, there was the ass. He’d even caught Rollins staring at that ass before. When he called her on it, she’d just shrugged. “So I’m human. Kill me,” she’d told him before getting a refill on her coffee. 

He felt a stirring in his groin, and crossed his legs. Ironic, he thought, considering the lack of arousal had been why they’d originally come here. Now he was fighting down a boner in the middle of the therapist’s office.

“Ah, there you are,” Rafael grinned at him, then leaned down and kissed him gently. “You beat me here today...this weather is brutal!”

“Yeah it is.” Rafael took a seat next to Sonny, and Sonny leaned over closer. “I just need to tell you, though, watching you definitely warmed me up. No pills needed.” Rafael glanced down and, seeing the bit of a bulge in his husband’s pants, grinned again. 

“I’m looking away, so it’s not catching,” Rafael joked, just as Renata opened the door. “Just like high school, huh?” He handed Sonny his binder, and Sonny snorted.

“Welcome, gentlemen,” Renata greeted them. “Come on in.”

They stood up, and Sonny followed Rafael, holding the binder in front of himself as though he were thirteen again. They took their regular places on the loveseat, next to each other, and Sonny laid the binder in his lap. He tried to think about the stuffed squirrel on Rollins’ desk.

“So how has the week gone?” Renata asked. “I believe your homework was instituting the changes involved with church, correct? How’d that go?”

Rafael looked at Sonny fondly, then bit his lip, remembering the predicament his husband was currently in. “I think it went well. Sonny was able to come home early on Friday, so we made it to a movie. Marlene wasn’t happy about missing it, but considering it was in French with subtitles, I think it was best for us to go without her. It was a nice evening, and then they went to mass on Sunday.” He winked at Sonny. “Anything else to add?”

“We had ice cream sundaes after lunch out, so I’m currently her favorite dad, and I’m not afraid to brag about it,” Sonny announced, grinning ear to ear. Rafael raised one eyebrow and flipped up the corner of his binder. Sonny smacked it back down, still smiling. 

“So date night included a movie and dinner this week. How about the sex?” Renata asked. “That’s part of the assignment too...and this week your only assignment was to talk about what kind of sex you were hoping to have before you had it. Was there discussion? Negotiation? Did both of you feel satisfied with what happened?”

The men looked at each other, and Sonny took Rafael’s hand. “Yeah. I think we did. When we got home, we, uh, took the opportunity to just sit and talk a bit…”

“That was helpful...that was when we decided, I think, that we really just wanted to be close,” Rafael finished Sonny’s thought as Sonny nodded. “Basically, to answer your question, all of the taking your time, foreplay type techniques you’ve worked with us on were helpful. We took it slow, made love, and it was...I don’t know, wonderful. Something we don’t usually do and haven’t done in a long time.”

Renata nodded. “And are you thinking that is something you’d like to include more in your repertoire?”

“I think so,” Sonny answered. “It’s probably sad to say, but generally we don’t take that kind of time, even when we have it. Oh, we’ll spend the time in bed, but we’re too busy being kinky and stuff. I think the one thing I’ve gotten out of this process that’s really cool is keeping in mind that sex doesn’t have to be just about orgasms. I never thought I’d say this, but there truly is so much more.” 

Renata tilted her head toward Rafael. “What do you think about what Sonny is saying?”

“I agree with him,” Rafael replied thoughtfully. “I think we both tend to be very goal-oriented in our lives, and it’s easy to think of an orgasm as the goal, and then you’re done. I’ve found that approaching things this way has really strengthened my feelings for Sonny, which is incredible in itself. Learning things together is so amazing as well. It’s been really great to set different goals, so that the goal of sex is communication, or to find something new with your partner, or to play a game. It’s really turned things on its head for me. I think about it differently now.”

“So how are things going as far as the erectile dysfunction? And how about communication--are you feeling like you’ve identified and are working on the important issues now?”

“I’ll start with this one,” Sonny chuckled. “I’m not going to say I will never have an issue with erections again, but currently, they seem for the most part to be happening when I expect them to. My psychiatrist has put me on Wellbutrin, which doesn’t have the same side effects as a lot of other antidepressants. I don’t know if that’s helping or not, but I’m not struggling with them any more...or not often, anyway. And I think I feel more confident now that I’m not ruining everything for both of us if I can’t…” he paused, still a bit embarrassed, “perform. Both of us have agreed that some of the sessions we had of just touching were really terrific. As far as talking about important stuff, I think we are. We’re talking about religion, which is something I never thought we’d discuss other than to agree we wouldn’t discuss it. I’m getting time with my daughter to take her to mass, and she’s learning the things I always felt were so important. I truly never thought that would happen.” He turned to Rafael. “I guess I feel like we have gotten a lot better about trusting one another’s reactions to important issues, and in knowing we’re working as a team.”

“I never thought we’d be able to agree on anything in the religious realm,” Rafael added. “And I was scared that Marley going to church was going to feel a little threatening, but so far it hasn’t. Nobody’s started praying over me or telling me I’m going to hell yet, so it’s okay.” They both laughed awkwardly for a second. “I feel more loved and accepted than I ever have before, and I think Sonny understands how much I love and accept him too. Those are big things.”

Renata smiled. “So are there any other things you think we need to work on, or should we start considering winding these sessions up and graduating you from therapy?”

Rafael made a face at Sonny. “Liv is right...you really do graduate from everything these days.”

Sonny grinned. “Is there cake involved? I could get behind cake.”

Renata reached into her pocket. “There’s a vending machine down the hall. I think there might be zingers or ding dongs in there.” She handed him a palmful of change. “If there’s any left, could you bring me a diet coke?”

“Sure,” Sonny told her, then headed out of the room.

“I can’t believe we’re graduating,” Rafael mused. “When we started this a few months ago, I was terrified we’d find something horribly broken, but it really hasn’t been that bad.”

“You two truly love each other. You had a good foundation to start with,” Renata told him just as Sonny entered the room and handed her a soda. “It’s like being sick. If you’re not healthy to start with, and wait until you’re on your deathbed, your results are less likely to be as impressive.” 

“Check it out!” Sonny interrupted. “I got a 3 pack of zingers...one for everyone. So how do we do this graduation thing?”

“Well, I’d like to start off by saying that it’s been a pleasure watching the two of you grow closer in your relationship and improve your communication. Can you each share a thing or two that you feel you’ve gotten out of therapy?”

“Sure,” Rafael started. “I feel more comfortable sharing things with Sonny, less worried that he’s going to judge me or walk out the door. I also feel more like we’re able to work as a team.”

“Agreed,” Sonny said. “I feel the same way. And I feel like if I’m having an issue, I’ve got somebody to help me rather than blame me. When this whole thing started, I think part of my anger was at myself--that I couldn’t figure it out or solve it on my own, and I was afraid Rafael was blaming me. But it’s so clear now that he wasn’t, and that we can work together on these things. I’m also just feeling really fortunate to be married to someone willing to support me. I mean, I’m able to take our daughter to church, to talk with her about God, which I just never thought you’d be open to. That’s amazing to me, that we’ve come so far.”

“And I feel like if we have an issue in the future that we get stuck on, it won’t be a big deal to come back to therapy to work it out. We’re both open to it now, and I think we just see it as another tool to keep our marriage healthy.” He turned to Sonny. “I’m so glad I married you. And I know now that as long as we work at it, we can keep this marriage strong. I love you more now than I did seven years ago, when we took our vows. I didn’t think that was possible, but here we are.”

Sonny was smiling at him brightly, and Rafael couldn’t help himself--he leaned over and kissed him. “Happy Graduation Day, Dominick.”

“Happy Graduation Day to you, sweetheart,” Sonny said sweetly, still smiling at his husband. Suddenly he said, “Oh! Are we ready for zingers now?” At the nods of everyone, he tore open the package and handed Rafael and Renata a zinger each.

“Well, I now pronounce you as graduated,” Renata said. “You’ve officially made it through couples therapy!”

“Hooray for us,” Rafael said, tapping his zinger to Sonny’s, then taking a bite.

“Hooray for us,” Sonny echoed, watching his husband eat his zinger. “We’re blessed, for sure.”

***

“Hey Papi! Whatcha gonna do with Daddy tonight on date night?” Marley asked, popping a grape into her mouth. Her bag was already packed, courtesy of Sonny, so they were enjoying an extended snack time before Lucia showed up.

“I’m not really sure, to be honest,” he told her, dipping his apple slice in some peanut butter. “We haven’t planned anything special, so we may just go to dinner or something.”

“Then why do I gotta go somewhere else? Noah said you and Daddy prolly send me away so you tan do sex.” Rafael choked on his apple and she asked, “You otay, Papi?” He cleared his throat and nodded as she leaned over and tried to look him in the eye. 

“When were you talking with Noah about this?” Rafael asked her, raising one eyebrow and carefully picking another apple slice.

“At stool, on the playground,” she told him. “He got recess when my class does. He told me that sometimes on date nights grownups do sex, but his mom doesn’t tause she don’t want any more babies.”

Rafael coughed again, but this time to refrain from laughing. He couldn’t wait to share this with Liv. “Are you tryin’ to make a baby, Papi? Tause don’tcha need a momma? Or do you got a momma who tomes over when I weave?”

Rafael shook his head. “Honey, you have got to stop listening to what other kids tell you. Daddy and I are not having any other children. And your book talks a lot about how grownups also have sex as a way to show each other they love one another. Do you remember that?”

She tilted her head. “Yeah, I think so. So you’re not tryin’ to make another baby?”

“No, mija.” He patted her hand. “Daddy and I are not planning on having any other children right now. And one more thing. This is not an appropriate thing to talk about at school. I don’t want you having those conversations with other kids, okay? Those are really parent-child conversations, entiendes?”

“I didn’t bring it up!” she objected. “Noah did! I said you and Daddy make me go away on Friday nights and Noah said you prolly do that so you tan do sex, that’s all.”

“You know, it’s really none of your business what Daddy and I do when you’re not here. It’s private, honey, and Daddy and I don’t need to tell anyone.”

“Yah-huh!” she argued. “You always say NO secrets! So you tan’t have secrets either, Papi.”

He shook his head. This kid, he thought. “That’s mainly because Daddy and I need to know if somebody might be hurting you, or trying to hurt you. Do you understand why we say no secrets for you?”

“But Papi, what if somebody’s hurtin’ you or Daddy? We’re a family. I don’t want anyone to hurt my family. So you gotta say no secrets too.”

She was looking at him so sincerely, so honestly, that he sighed out loud. “Bebita, grownups understand more about the world--”

The door opened just then, and Sonny and Lucia entered the apartment. “There’s my ninita!” Lucia exclaimed, making her way to Marley and giving her a tight hug. “I’m so glad to see you today!”

“And you gpt Daddy!” Marlene said excitedly. “I get to give him tisses before I leave! This is a good day!”

Sonny couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled up inside him as he reached over and picked up his daughter. “I love you so much, dolly. Getting your kisses makes MY day good, too, precious!” He held her close as she kissed his cheeks over and over. “Thank you so much, dolly. You and Abby are gonna have a great time tonight!”

“We are,” Lucia confirmed. “We’re going to see a movie! So we have to get going!”

“A movie?” Marley asked, surprised. “A tid’s movie?” At Lucia’s nod, she announced, “Never mind, Papi! I wanna go with Abby. You and Daddy tan stay here and do whatever you want!”

Rafael snorted. “Well, we appreciate your permission to do what we were going to do anyway.”

“Daddy packed my bag, Abby, so I’m all weady!” Sonny put her down. “I just gotta get my shoes an’ my coat, otay?” She took off to her room.

“So you have big plans for tonight?” Lucia asked, and Rafael shook his head. 

“No, she just wanted to know why she had to leave on date night if we didn’t have plans.”

“And did you tell her the truth?” Lucia asked him, raising an eyebrow and looking exactly like her son. “That she doesn’t want to be around for the noise?”

Sonny started laughing as Rafael looked horrified. “ _ Mother! _ I can’t believe you’d say that!”

“Oh please,” Lucia waved her hand at him. “Everyone knows that’s what you’re doing. It’s a date night with no kids. You’d be idiots not to do it. And I like to think I didn’t raise an idiot.” Seeing Rafael’s face in his hands, she asked, “Did I raise an idiot?”

“That’s not nice,” Marley huffed,, dragging her duffel bag into the kitchen and dropping it. “Papi’s not an idiot.”

“I know he’s not,” Lucia replied. “Even if he’s acting like it right now.” She picked up Marley’s duffel and swung it onto her shoulder. “Ready, sweetheart?”

Marley nodded, and gave Sonny and Rafael each a kiss. “Have fun, guys! Have fun at dinner and doing sex!”

“What the--” Sonny started as Lucia cackled and Rafael buried his head in his hands once more.

“Bye, daddies!” Lucia called as she ushered Marley from the apartment.

“What in the hell was THAT about?” Sonny asked, laughing. 

“My early demise,” Rafael groaned. “Kill me now.”

***

They were sitting on the balcony on their swing, curled together in blankets to fight off the cold as they drank some hot concoction Sonny had whipped up. Sonny was spread out over Rafael’s lap, his hand randomly stroking his husband’s stomach and arms while Rafael did the same to him. “There’s something to be said for snuggling,” Rafael thought out loud, and Sonny smiled at him, then pressed a kiss to his stomach.

“I agree. And I like this swing. I know you weren’t crazy about it at first, but it’s turned out to be a decent investment.”

Rafael hummed. They rocked back and forth, just enjoying the time, before Rafael leaned down and kissed Sonny again, this time deep and warm and sensual. As he pulled back, Sonny caught the back of his head with his hand. “I hope it’s like this for the rest of our lives,” Sonny murmured, a soft smile on his lips.

“I do too,” Rafael agreed, stroking his husband’s cheek. “Even when it’s difficult, it’s pretty damn good, isn’t it?”

Sonny caught his hand and kissed his knuckles. “Yeah. It is.”


End file.
